I wish I was kidding when I say there exist asshole recognition tech already. They’ll just attach that to your advertiser ID so their worldwide network of ‘smart toilets’ can deliver targeted ads to every stall and urinal you visit.

So, if I let a guest shat on my toilet, I have to join and gave my fingerprint permission to flush their shit? Nice.

If an ad starts, the ultimate arkward silence will be better. “Oh look it’s an ad for Iron-meds, your shit looks like you need them.”