While stoned af, we were doing kinda foreplay, and when we were hot and all we couldn’t find the condom. We started looking for it between the sheets and had to turn on the lights. When we found it again we started with foreplay to get back in mood, only to once again lose the condom. This happened like three times total and by the end we were laughing at our incompetence so hard we just cuddled together and fell asleep. We found the condom the following day
Did you make use of the condom the following day also?
Cat decided to sneak in and lick my foot. Wasn’t expecting that so it made me tense up and I slammed my head into a wall hard enough that we had to stop
I had cast my favorite harry potter spell, licktorus clitorus, and while I was plucking the notes on that wonderful little harp, her cat crept in. Head back, eyes closed, mouth agape, toes gripping the fabric of the couch, and that’s when the cat decided to get her face into her face as far as she could, given the time alloted for an expression of gratitude and ecstacy. She was immediately alarmed by a whisker brushing the sides of her mouth as the kitten’s twitchy little nose dove past her teeth. It ruined the experience, but it’s funny to mention now.
I read about a guy who, whilst shagging, felt his balls get tickled, so he told his partner to keep doing whatever she was doing…she said her hands were tied up….looked down and it was the dog.
Being conceived
I broke my left hand, but on the first week I have a cast and my hand can’t really do anything, touch anything support anything. I’m just there on top giving it my best and my wife just starts laughing uncontrollably. Apparently for a couple minutes already I’m just going full on left hand Roman salute while sexed up. To make matters funnier the cast is a very bright almost neon looking colour. Not a fail but failed sex for sure. Let’s say neither of us _sieg_ed that day.
I called this girl mom once.
Motherfucker…
Arguably a win, depending on who you’re fucking and what you’re into
Wasn’t objectively very funny, but we were fucking in like a standing position next to the bed and she started leaning forward, I started leaning forward, and we just tumbled onto the bed in a mess of appendages. Had to stop for a while because we were laughing so hard 🤣
I got conceived once a while ago
they asked for funny, not tragic
Not sure if funny. I fell asleep. I was already so exhausted from the day, being an early riser and lots of cycling that day. I just remember blinking in and out of consciousness until she finally got me off of her and let me sleep through the night.
She didn’t hold it against me.
Attempted anal right after she had done a 2qt enema. In the moment we were just wanting to get it on but uh, It ended as one with any sense would expect. We were able to laugh about it once it was all over.
Wife and I were renting a trailer in a trailer park some years back and one night we were getting intimate. Well, we were just about to get to the good part when all of a sudden our whole room is illuminated by a flood light and we hear someone shouting outside. Begrudgingly I get dressed and look out the window. There’s a man with a flashlight looking in windows and banging on doors at my neighbors place yelling a woman’s name.
I called the police because it seemed like someone trying to cause trouble. The police informed me that the man was the police and he was serving a warrant for the neighbor.
I couldn’t believe how shitty they were being about it, waking up the whole neighborhood. She was a mess though. Another time I was leaving for work in the morning and I hear her tearing into her boyfriend/husband or whatever. She chased him out into the street with a baby in a car seat and left the baby in the road while she chased his car down the road. I sat and waited to make sure she didn’t just leave the baby and then went to work. Reported her that time too.
I’m sure I’ve had worse “fails” but I’ve been with my wife for ten years now and I don’t really hold space in my brain for past relationships
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