(I hope this is the right place to vent out my thoughts and feelings, idk who will read this though, but pls be kind (: )
I never had any huge crushes in my student days. I had one towards the end but I usually just observe from a distance and admire their beauty. Never felt I should talk to them or make them close.
Cometh my first job. I saw this woman, she was not amazing at first but caught my eyes. Everyday I would look at her as usual with my “crush protocol”. Day after day, I felt she was becoming more amazing. This continued for months. Feelings only got thicker, so much so that I started to associate every love song with her. This is something I have never connected to in my whole life. Love songs never clicked to me, never felt attached to them. But this woman changed it all somehow with no word spoken between us.
But on some particular day, heavens have blessed me with an opportunity. She sat beside me during lunch out of sheer luck. Time for more context on my personality. I just don’t talk to people. Idk if it’s introversion or lack of social skills. Even with my colleagues I just talk when necessary. I just don’t initiate any conversation irl until they do. Talking to strangers? Forget about it.
Let’s come back to our glorious day. She sat beside me and all the time she was eating I battled within myself that I have to talk to her somehow. And after battling for some hard 10-15min, I went for it. I said “excuse me…” and fumbled my words towards some random question about her work. The conversation was quick and I couldn’t carry it longer than a minute probably but much lesser ig. But this was a huge achievement for a someone like me - an introvert talking to their crush.
Days passed but we haven’t talked a single conversation again. Here comes the villain. There came a shift in our work that we had to be in different places. Boom. I won’t be seeing her ever again. I don’t even know her name. Now I am regretting not knowing her name ever again. Fcuk man.
Bye my unknown queen.
I get blowing people up in your head to be fantatic, but you have to remember:
She is just a person, like you.
She has loads of flaws and unflattering characteristics, like you.
She would probably react negatively if she knew about somebody idolizing her like this because it sounds like obsession, and the grim truth is that obsessions tend to ignore a person’s agency and is disrespectful to them as a human being rather than an object of desire.
She is flawed bud. If you get along cool, but nobody is as perfect as the brain likes to trick you into thinking.
Ouch. But yeah I can see some truth in that. Thanks for the heads up.
Also what do I do instead, if I form a crush on them and not able to approach them?
Being unable to approach somebody to learn about them is antithetical to disarming that circular obsession pattern. My advice would be to treat her the same as somebody you could approach and are not nervous around - be that a friend or family member. It is important to keep a person’s humanity in mind above petty characteristics they did not choose - such as gender or if they are attractive to you.
Not seeing them anymore is too bad, but it also probably means that any social relationship probably isn’t meant to be right now. So in that case take what I say into the future.
Yep thanks for the solid advice. Yep I am not gonna pursue her or anything, I would only use these experiences to be the better person in the future.