(I hope this is the right place to vent out my thoughts and feelings, idk who will read this though, but pls be kind (: )
I never had any huge crushes in my student days. I had one towards the end but I usually just observe from a distance and admire their beauty. Never felt I should talk to them or make them close.
Cometh my first job. I saw this woman, she was not amazing at first but caught my eyes. Everyday I would look at her as usual with my “crush protocol”. Day after day, I felt she was becoming more amazing. This continued for months. Feelings only got thicker, so much so that I started to associate every love song with her. This is something I have never connected to in my whole life. Love songs never clicked to me, never felt attached to them. But this woman changed it all somehow with no word spoken between us.
But on some particular day, heavens have blessed me with an opportunity. She sat beside me during lunch out of sheer luck. Time for more context on my personality. I just don’t talk to people. Idk if it’s introversion or lack of social skills. Even with my colleagues I just talk when necessary. I just don’t initiate any conversation irl until they do. Talking to strangers? Forget about it.
Let’s come back to our glorious day. She sat beside me and all the time she was eating I battled within myself that I have to talk to her somehow. And after battling for some hard 10-15min, I went for it. I said “excuse me…” and fumbled my words towards some random question about her work. The conversation was quick and I couldn’t carry it longer than a minute probably but much lesser ig. But this was a huge achievement for a someone like me - an introvert talking to their crush.
Days passed but we haven’t talked a single conversation again. Here comes the villain. There came a shift in our work that we had to be in different places. Boom. I won’t be seeing her ever again. I don’t even know her name. Now I am regretting not knowing her name ever again. Fcuk man.
Bye my unknown queen.
My advice is to bid her farewell and mourn a little. If it’s any consolation, the person you have a crush on only existed in your head, assembled by frenzied brain chemicals out of the few things you were able to learn about her. The real version has her own flaws, quirks, strengths, eccentricities, and loves. She is far more human than the person your brain shuffled onto a pedestal and she’s living her own life. The crush was fun, but let it go now. It’s the kindest thing to do for yourself.
As an introvert on the spectrum, talking to strangers is hard. It’s uncomfortable. On bad days, I feel like I’m trying to crawl out of my own skin when I end up talking to someone I don’t know (and on really bad days, even with people I do know.) But sometimes we have to do uncomfortable things to grow, and the more you do the thing the easier it becomes. Start small and realize it’ll feel weird. Work your way up. Talk to girls and make some friends, not because you eventually want to be involved with them but because you want another friend. A wonderful thing happens as you make friends: you start seeing other people’s perspectives. You start feeling more comfortable. And you open yourself up to more experiences. Some of these experiences are even fun!
Having said all that about crushes… I met my wife, many years ago, at a Halloween party. I was instantly smitten and yeah, I had a crush on her. A big one. I went to a drag show with some friends a few weeks later and she was there! We snuck out for a cigarette and talked, awkwardly, for a few minutes.
The next time I talked to her, it was at a show she was playing at a dive bar. She played an instrument?! I had no idea. I was a terminal case at that point. I remember standing in the audience, going over what I should say to her when the set ended. As it turned out, she announced that this would be their final show and she was moving out of state with her boyfriend a week later. I was devastated.
It took a little while, but I let go and moved on. We both had very interesting lives for the next few years and met up again at another party. We ended up talking a lot, texting, going to shows. We started a band with a mutual friend, learned some obscure asian card game together, and eventually said “what the hell, we should probably be dating.”
She didn’t end up being anything like the girl I had a crush on, and we’ve been happily together for almost a decade. I don’t think any of that would have been possible if I’d brooded over her and never gotten over the crush.
That was very lovely story of yours! Looks like you both really were destined to meet again the way you did :)
Yeah talking to strangers and practising small talk is very hard and I am actually glad that I have summered up enough strength to do so in the first place. I will keep practising (this not just with crushes :P)