(I hope this is the right place to vent out my thoughts and feelings, idk who will read this though, but pls be kind (: )
I never had any huge crushes in my student days. I had one towards the end but I usually just observe from a distance and admire their beauty. Never felt I should talk to them or make them close.
Cometh my first job. I saw this woman, she was not amazing at first but caught my eyes. Everyday I would look at her as usual with my “crush protocol”. Day after day, I felt she was becoming more amazing. This continued for months. Feelings only got thicker, so much so that I started to associate every love song with her. This is something I have never connected to in my whole life. Love songs never clicked to me, never felt attached to them. But this woman changed it all somehow with no word spoken between us.
But on some particular day, heavens have blessed me with an opportunity. She sat beside me during lunch out of sheer luck. Time for more context on my personality. I just don’t talk to people. Idk if it’s introversion or lack of social skills. Even with my colleagues I just talk when necessary. I just don’t initiate any conversation irl until they do. Talking to strangers? Forget about it.
Let’s come back to our glorious day. She sat beside me and all the time she was eating I battled within myself that I have to talk to her somehow. And after battling for some hard 10-15min, I went for it. I said “excuse me…” and fumbled my words towards some random question about her work. The conversation was quick and I couldn’t carry it longer than a minute probably but much lesser ig. But this was a huge achievement for a someone like me - an introvert talking to their crush.
Days passed but we haven’t talked a single conversation again. Here comes the villain. There came a shift in our work that we had to be in different places. Boom. I won’t be seeing her ever again. I don’t even know her name. Now I am regretting not knowing her name ever again. Fcuk man.
Bye my unknown queen.
You ever wonder why people do small talk? It’s for situations like this.
Learn to do small talk. Practice in… I dunno, the grocery store checkout, your elderly neighbor, someone in the diner. Just 5-10 second conversations. “hi there / warm out, isn’t it? / yeah, how about them (sports team)? / yeah, all right!” Bland stuff. If you don’t know what to say, watch other people and write things down.
You may think this is hard as an introvert, but in fact it’s easy bc you don’t have to think about what to say. It’s easy to develop simple “scripts” that you play out. Like there’s this person at the gym, and every time I go we’re like “hey what’s up? / not much what’s up with you? / just another day in paradise! / all right!” Every freakin time.
It may sound crazy to do these things, but it lets people know you’re not stuck-up or dangerous. Anyway, after you’re better at small talk, it’s easier to get to know someone you really want to know more about. Like, after you establish an acquaintanceship you can be like “oh, that (object they’re holding) reminds me of (relative of yours), they got one in (mildly interesting location).” Just practice this kind of thing in general, and you’ll be better prepared when you meet someone you’re really interested in.
I used to be terrible at this, luckily my BFF was amazing at it and I learned by observation.
Totally agree on how I should get better with small talks. You have given some great tips, I will try to be more open to strangers and apply these. Thanks.
Do you think I really have to go out of my way to engage with someone that I have found attractive? I think it would be way too clear that I’m forcing a conversation in order to make them my “acquaintances”. Doesn’t that weird people out?
I was watching her only when she was in my line of sight and was totally depending on chances. But guess that turned out to be stalker-like fixation as people have pointed out here. Is approaching them awkwardly a better thing to do?
That’s one of the things you learn through practice. How to do it in a non-weird way.
Some of this is culture-dependent. Where I live now, anyone can just say “good morning!” or “have a good day!” to anyone else and they might say something back or they might just smile or nod. In other places this might not be acceptable to someone of a certain “status” or in certain contexts or until you are “introduced”. Just observe what other people do, and do that.
That’s why it’s good to practice ahead of time. Yeah, it can be awkward to walk up to someone, plant yourself in front of them, and try to start a conversation. It’s a lot easier if you’re both arriving at work at the same time and you say “good morning!” as you each go your separate ways.
Totally agree on the part I have to see what’s others doing and do the same. I used to be a “don’t-care-about-others” kinda of guy and I have been realizing that I have to observe others and notice things which they do better than me.