I really feel for the reporter on this one. Having to try to make incoherent nonsense that has almost no chance of passage make sense is a thankless job.

Donald Trump unveiled a federal program Monday providing $1,000 government-funded investment accounts for American babies, getting backing from top business leaders who said they plan to contribute billions more to an initiative tied to “the big beautiful bill”.

At a White House roundtable with over a dozen CEOs, including from Uber, Goldman Sachs and Dell Technologies, Trump relayed the details of “Trump accounts” – tax-deferred investment accounts tracking stock market performance for children born between 2025 and 2029.

“For every US citizen born after December 31, 2024, before January 1, 2029, the federal government will make a one-time contribution of $1,000 into a tax-deferred account that will track the overall stock market,” Trump said.

The accounts will be controlled by guardians and allow additional private contributions up to $5,000 annually. Trump called it “a pro-family initiative that will help millions of Americans harness the strength of our economy to lift up the next generation”.

So … tax credits that go straight to the oligarchs. And a shit sandwich if line goes down.

I keep thinking it can’t get more absurd (I’m generally expecting things to get worse), and then stuff like this comes down the pike.