Wait, Tolkien was English. He didn’t mean “Shire” to be pronounced like we Americans do it?

I just saw a sign this morning that said “Irish Wristwatch - now you know you can’t pronounce it”. The sign was right.

Which can only be applied to Goya products.

Not to mention that restaurants heavily rely on undocumented immigrants in their kitchens.

On the other hand, with all of their workers having been deported, farmers wouldn’t be able to produce anything at all. This is why I want to believe that Republican talk of deportation is just bluster, but I thought that about Roe v. Wade as well.

is a felon

A few houses in my neighborhood had the “I’M VOTING FOR THE CONVICTED FELON” signs up. I would have assumed this meant they were actually anti-Trump except they had a bunch of the conventional Trump signs up as well. My understanding of these people is that they think all the negative reporting about Trump is faked by the left (or that the criminal charges are invalid and politically motivated), not that they think it’s all true and support him anyway.

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The Palestinians have taken to the streets to sing songs in your honor. You’ve saved them!

Heh, according to the guy who sold me the house, he had to put the grey vinyl flooring in because of water damage from a portable AC unit.

grey vinyl flooring

I hate that shit even more than I hated the fake wood paneling and shag carpet of the '70s. I bought a house last year that had the grey vinyl flooring in the living room and I’ve tried my hardest to fuck it up during the renovation so I have to replace it, but unfortunately it holds up to extreme abuse pretty well.

Might be mango lassi - possibly the greatest drink on earth.

I honestly think it’s going to work

I don’t pretend to be able to predict the future, but Trump tried this same thing four years ago and couldn’t pull it off - and he was actually still the President at that time. Seems like it would be even more difficult for him to do it this time as an ex-president, especially considering that he’s now so old and senile that he can’t even paint himself orange properly any more.

Fun TJ Maxx fact: in England the stores are called TK Maxx, apparently because “TJ” means “tug job”.

Nah, prisoners and children will take over all the shitty jobs.

7. Obsession with National Security

I think they’ve quietly dropped this one, since they don’t seem to mind Trump being owned by a Russian dictator, his son-in-law getting two billion dollars from the Saudis, or Trump stealing classified documents and casually leaving them lying around for foreign agents to help themselves to.

he left office with a projected budget surplus

It wasn’t a projected surplus, it was an actual surplus for his final two years. I suppose you could say it was also a projected surplus, but Bush II and Dick “Reagan Proved Deficits Don’t Matter” Cheney took care of that right quick.

I used to drink five 24 oz. cups of coffee a day - which is about one gallon - including the last one right before I went to bed, and I never had any trouble sleeping. Your body adjusts to all kinds of ridiculous shit.

I drive a 2001 which is in that dead zone after cassettes but before aux plugs. I still had to be burning CDs a few years ago but eventually stumbled across an adapter that tricks the car stereo into thinking my phone is a 6-CD changer in the trunk.

My best friend in high school in the '80s had something on his home stereo I’ve never seen before or since: an 8-track tape recorder. We would make 8-track mix tapes and take them to parties … which we promptly got kicked out of because they were tapes of stuff like Yes, King Crimson, Laurie Anderson, Tangerine Dream and Vangelis, and didn’t nobody want to listen to that kind of shit back then.

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