The most ironic cybertruck I’ve seen so far was one owned and vinyl-wrapped by a waterproofing company. The same cybertruck that can’t be taken through a car wash.

At least if she’s deported she can’t be buried at Trump’s golf course.

Or using stairs. “Ooh. Ah. Ugh. Argh.”

Are you kidding me? That’s a daily double punchable face. The mouth is smiling but the eyes are making sure the battery cables are firmly clamped on your nipples.

Oh, we’re weary all right.

School bus driving— Mixing truck driving with zoo keeping…

That’s a great description - except zoo keepers have bars and glass plates to protect them from the animals.

Next you’ll be telling me there are active oil wells in downtown Los Angeles.

I’m a school bus driver and we’re supposed to not allow foul language. It’s only a problem on the middle school runs, and it’s not really worth the effort on my part to do anything about it. I’m just happy when I can unload all the kids and nothing has been set on fire.

Chicken jockey
Deez nutz

Uh, airline tickets to India?

I spent a summer in south India a few years ago during monsoon season. I was fucking miserable in my jeans and shirts until I switched over to wearing loose, flowing clothes made of bleached kahdi (loose homespun cotton) like the locals. It keeps the sun off you and even when it gets soaked it doesn’t cling to your skin, and then whenever the rain stops it dries completely very quickly. Other westerners I met made fun of me for pretending to go native, but they had no clue how effective it was.

Our only actual “improvements” helped companies hire unskilled labor instead of union tradespeople.

It was tee-ball, I stopped playing after six months.

I played t-ball. I struck out in every at-bat … in t-ball. Fortunately I excelled at defense: coach put me in right field and the other teams were so scared of me they never hit the ball there.

I still can’t fully understand wtf iambic pentameter means

I think it means five syllables … plus some fermented raspberry juice.

I used to work for a small programming/consulting company that had somehow secured their own $12 million annual piece of federal pork. The money was ostensibly for “improving” manufacturing in our state so they couldn’t just pocket that money. Instead, one of our employees administered the fund from a rented closet-sized office elsewhere in our city and doled it out to other companies which in turn hired our company’s consultants at absurd hourly rates (for example I was paid about $40 an hour but was billed out at over $300 an hour) to do shitty work on useless projects.

This was only one of our scams. We also hired retired colonels from the various services and paid them $200K a year to not show up very often - we had an entire wing of usually-empty offices for these people while those of us actually doing some work here and there were packed like dogs into cubicle kennels. These colonels helped us secure lucrative defense contracts.

The funniest part of this job was listening to my bosses raving about how “welfare queens” were destroying the country.

KLF is gonna rock you.

“I cut myself in half and became two of me.”

Where I live, a few stop signs have a square white sign below them that says “EXCEPT FOR RIGHT TURN”, i.e. you don’t have to actually stop if you’re turning right. It’s incredibly fucked up - it works fine if you’re a local and you’re familiar with these signs, but people new to the area don’t know anything about it and if they’re on the crossroad they actually expect the other driver to stop since all they see is the backside of the octagon. It’s pointless to have these signs anyway since people usually roll through stop signs as it is.

Why would you have failed? You are supposed to come to a complete stop at a stop sign.

It’s hilarious to me that Musk claims to work 100 hours a week but he’s the CEO of five companies. Even if the claim were true (and of course it isn’t) it means being the CEO of one of his companies is a 20-hour-a-week job at best.