I saw this ICE agent doing ICE things

There’s this property I’m looking at right now, it’s totally villainous. My cats would love it.

I thought that was the “neener neener” fallacy

I stand forever enlightened

Sorry dude I was running out of clean pants

Gotta shit them first before someone else shids them

soup, soup for my family

NOT FINANCIALLY

Tomato tomato

Oh cool. Mine is made out of wood and leather and cost ten bucks. I’ve had it for two decades and my dad had it for four. It’s really comfortable and loses a second a decade. How’s yours do?

I joked to my wife “hey I got a joke I got to tell you about the government away from microphones” and my phone’s flashlight turned on across the room. My nsa agent is working overtime.

Yeah but what vowel set were they using in ye olde timesy shoppe? The Great Vowel Movement (previously known as the Great Vowel Shift) changed things.

I think you’re supposed to line the basket. It’s just unsanitary otherwise.

Yeah the last decade has been pretty good evidence that people pretending to be CHUDs online are CHUDs IRL

It’s a term of art.

Our weiner, comrade

Let me over a compromise: both

That’s assuming they remember to put the drain plug back. My brother lost an engine that way

Endoscopic perving.

lorem ipsum dolor sit aw fuck even i’m bored