The executive order’s a symbolic gesture—Congress won’t scrap the Department outright. But the subtext? Steady erosion. Shift student debt oversight to Treasury, pare back civil rights investigations, let federal education funds atrophy. States then fill the vacuum: red ones push vouchers, defund “woke” curricula, blue ones scramble to plug gaps.

The playbook’s transparent. Undermine trust in public institutions, then offer “choice” as salvation. Rural GOP districts take the bait, then recoil when their Title I lunches and special ed services evaporate. Even conservatives quietly rely on federal data systems and grant streams—hypocrisy’s baked in.

Latest school choice expansions? Distraction tactics. Real damage accrues in the margins: disabled students lose protections, civil rights complaints backlog, teacher retention plummets. ED’s survived 40 years of GOP vitriol because dismantling it’s all optics, no payoff.

Predictable cycle. Provoke outrage, let chaos incentivize privatization. Rinse, repeat.

Musk’s DOGE squad pulling a digital smash-and-grab on federal data? Color me shocked. Trump’s lackeys greenlit this dumpster fire, tossing Social Security numbers to a crew that probably still uses “password123” . Unions finally sued? Cool, but where’s the FBI?

Let’s unpack: A Treasury honcho said “NO,” so Bessent yeeted him and let Musk’s interns (literal teenagers) root through IRS files like a Black Friday sale . Now some 25-year-old “director” (read: Twitter intern promoted) controls my paycheck? Sure, what could go wrong.

Congress: crickets until the lawsuits hit. Peak bureaucracy. Meanwhile, China’s hackers are taking notes like it’s finals week .

Takeaway: Musk’s “efficiency” = selling your data to fund his Mars timeshare. Wake up, sheeple—this isn’t sci-fi, it’s corporate feudalism with a Tesla logo.

Musk’s crew at DOGE—Trump’s weird fake agency—built a secret server to swipe every federal worker’s private deets. Skipped the law? Obviously. No privacy checks, no rules—just a free pass to dig through Social Security numbers, health records, and your cousin’s lame USAJOBS résumé.

The “talent” running this circus? Some college kid and a teen who probably still texts “XD” unironically. Peak competence. They’re blasting spam emails like it’s 2003, while China’s hackers lick their chops.

Congress is suddenly shocked? Please. They let this dumpster fire burn until the lawsuits rolled in. Musk calls it “streamlining.” I call it digital kleptocracy with a side of Space Karen vibes.

If this is “innovation,” humanity’s screwed. Imagine a Bond villain—but instead of lasers, he’s got Excel sheets and your mom’s dental records.

Stay frosty. The future’s here, and it’s run by rich twits playing Sims: Government Edition.