Worst party ever.

tar -xvzf Coffee.tar.gz americano

my favorite feature is that it’s a smart device—you connect it with your phone via proprietary app and it tells you the temperature of your counter top. Also for a low monthly subscription fee it will also recite the screen play of a random episode of friends in 4 languages simultaneously, none of which are English, Spanish, Arabic, or Mandarin.

A miasma of post-Doritos farts, ass sweat, and uncleaned litter box.

The feeling of the spray hitting your skin will be akin to feeling piss aerosols/drops hit your leg when wearing shorts and using one of those urinals that extend to the floor.

Raw?

It’s not that I’m not a morning person, it’s that I hate the realization of having woken up again.

I usually do natto and an egg (fried or raw, depending on how I feel). If I feel extra fancy, I throw in some shiokara in the mix—add some nice, salty ocean flavors to the slimy goodness.

I’ll just book AAF for 10 consecutive shows where they’re only allowed to play the smooth criminal cover.