Hey guys! Just checking out how you all doing this sunday! Do you need any help? Wanna hang out?
Pretty good. Temperature is pushing 38c / 100f so I’m just hiding indoors today.
Where is it 38c today? That’s too hot for my liking 😂.
South Australia. My weather station says today hit 39c after getting to around 41c the previous two days. Barely drops below 30 overnight. Bit too hot for our liking also 😅
Good gravy. No thanks. But those temperatures definitely have nothing to do with big oil*.
*This message was sponsored by big oil
Well, my dad just said he can’t be around me because I’m in a dress, but I wanted to dress up nice today so that’s what I’m in. Should I leave? It’s his house, but it’s a family get-together and we’re celebrating my grandpa’s (his dad’s) birthday. Grandpa is seeming to be reaching the end of his life soon…
I don’t understand why your dad would be upset about that?
Because he’s a bigot, mostly. It’s not a good reason
Aww. Am I guessing you are trans, or?
Yeah. I’m sure if you asked him, he’d say he’s being “perfectly reasonable.” He lets me come to his house and call myself whatever I want (except mom to my daughter, obviously), as long as I don’t “dress in a way that betrays my sex,” whatever nebulous thing that means. Basically just no being a woman. And of course he’ll still use my deadname, misgender me whenever he refers to me, you know how it is.
That’s vulgar and I’m sorry. How petty.
Not your problem to please your father with the sight of your body. Maybe look at your face?!
You be you. Try to be patient. They love you and hopefully it won’t take too long for them to see that you’re still their kid/grandkid.
That sounds like something your dad should communicate better about, and maybe talk with a therapist about? I think you should spend time with your grandpa if that’s what you want to do. Your dad’s discomfort with how you dress is a him problem. You wanted to dress up nice today presumably to help you to feel good about yourself, so don’t let him take that from you :)
Thanks. I did end up changing, but only because I had to go home for a minute for other reasons.
He is the king of “sounds like a personal problem,” so you’re right that it isn’t my job to fix how he feels
I already thought it was pretty weird of him when I misunderstood and thought you were saying something akin to “I live in his house so I feel compelled to abide by his weird rules.” Now that it’s clear that you don’t live under his roof, it’s extra weird.
I know nothing about your relationship with your dad, so I hope this is just one weird thing on an unusual day. If there’s a kind of pattern to him passive aggressively being shitty or toxic to you, I think it’d be a good idea to sit down with him and have a conversation about it. You don’t want to stew over a thousand grievances you’ve bottled up and let slide just to blow up on him and wind up estranged. I think that (if there actually is a pattern and I’m not saying that there is one,) it would be better to address concerns as adults and find a way to make the relationship fair to you. You are not a child anymore, so don’t play into unreasonable guilt trips for standing up for your own comfort, respect, and happiness. Again, I truly hope that none of this applies to you, but it’s an absolute fact that some parents are toxic assholes who can’t come to terms with the fact that their adult children do not exist solely to serve them anymore. It sounds like you probably already know how to stand up for yourself, but I figured it couldn’t hurt to throw my two cents in on the off chance that you actually are being manipulated and emotionally abused and didn’t realize it.
Have a great rest of your day!
There’s a pattern, but for now it’s …mostly tolerable? He’s a bigot; he’s homophobic towards my sister and he’s homophobic and transphobic towards me. To confront him… I don’t expect I would have any better outcome than “my house my rules”, and my whole (big) family is pretty close. I would miss seeing everyone as often since he’s the one who hosts us every week.
I’ve stayed away a lot more since I came out and he started being a dick about it than I ever did before, but it’s hard. It’s hard to make time to see my sisters and brothers and my mom, especially when they all already see each other pretty much every week at his house. So I kowtow and let him pretend that I’m his son instead of his daughter. Until I need some space from it, which might just be now, again.
I’m really sorry. That sounds like it’s stressful in a setting that ought to feel welcoming and safe. I don’t know your experience, so take this with a grain of salt, but I have to assume that your dad would rather have you in his life as his daughter than to be estranged from his “son”. If I were him, that’s how I’d feel. Is it crazy to suggest that you ask him for some one on one time to talk this out and you could make it clear that this isn’t some phase or anything and that this is who you are regardless of whether he accepts you this way or not? Like, you are his child and you want to have a supportive father in your life to have your back, and he should want to help his child whether they’re his son or his daughter.
Is there an interest you both share? Both fans of a sports team, interested in a specific hobby, into the same music genre, etc? Maybe getting together to hang out in that context could be a good avenue to remind him that he wants quality time with you, and then you could bring up the real talk. I imagine pretty much every activity you could conceivably be interested in sharing with him is not dependant on your gender identity, so it stands to reason that hanging out shouldn’t be conditional based on that, so he should be willing to jump into that activity with his child, regardless of that. I guess my point is that there may be a way to illustrate that this is not something that should matter to him in any way whatsoever, and he can have pretty much the exact relationship with you that he wants if he can just shut the fuck up and stop being weird about this lol. And if he can’t deal with that, I think you’re totally right to back off and take some space from him for a while like you were saying.
I have to assume that your dad would rather have you in his life as his daughter than to be estranged from his “son”.
I’m …honestly not convinced he would. And even if he would, I don’t really trust his ability to have that conversation charitably. Maybe that’s not fair to him, but…
Is there an interest you both share?
I was honestly pondering that question myself the other day and not a lot. He’s interested in sports (mostly hockey and basketball) while I’m not really at all. When I’ve tried to engage and watch a game with him, if I, like, ask a question or something he just gets frustrated and annoyed that I’m interrupting. And don’t get me started on how he reacts if I say “good play” or something for the wrong team (mind, the only team I know isn’t “wrong” is the broncos and he watches, like, every game from everyone)… Ask that even before my transition, let alone now.
He used to play games, but I don’t think he’s honestly done any gaming in like 20 years. He doesn’t hate, like, party games, but if it’s a party it’s already not a great time for “real talk”.
He has an interest in, like, politics and such. But he’s pretty much totally conservative, still denies climate change kind of thing. So that’s not a great way to have a nice chat with him either.
Unless there’s something I’m missing, it sounds like you’re implying that you both might be in a better place if you had less of a relationship together. I’m sure you have a better relationship with other family members and want to maintain them, and it’s probably not really possible to do that while also not seeing your dad, but I’m not sure I’d want to set foot in that house if I felt like my dad would prefer that I not exist rather than be who I am. Maybe he doesn’t actually feel that way, or maybe he does but hasn’t heard those words out loud and would be shaken by you telling him that that’s how he’s making you feel.
Idk, I think I would try one last conversation with him about how you are feeling and you can make the effort to try to understand how he is feeling. I’m sure he’s generally feeling pretty conflicted because his political identity is maybe the only Identity he really has anymore, and the only group that is really accepting him is also sending marching orders that his children are the scary enemy. I assume he is surrounded by that sort of messaging all day every day, and he only sees you occasionally. I’m not excusing him or blaming you. It just adds up that there is a sort of tug of war going on and you’re losing your dad to it. Faced with this perspective, if he is decent, he will understand that he’s gonna need to choose to either betray his family to remain entrenched in his hateful little boys club or he can at the very least put his political identity on hold to keep his family in his life. I don’t like ultimatums, but I don’t really understand what either of you is getting out of continuing this relationship at all if there aren’t changes. Your gender identity isn’t a choice, but his political identity is, so the onus is on him to make most of the change here. And conservatives by definition do not like change, so if he puts effort in then he should get some credit. He doesn’t necessarily need to donate to LGBTQ+ causes or join marches or anything like that, but he does need to make you personally feel accepted as a child that he loves, and he needs to make you feel welcome for visits for mom’s birthday or a summer cookout or whatever once in a while. I don’t think that’s asking too much of him. This shouldn’t even be a difficult decision, but it will be because he’s so deep in this shit.
And if he can’t or won’t meet you there, I think you’re well within your rights to cut him out. Invite your mom to come to you for her birthday. Host your own summer cookout and invite everybody but him. It’s not your responsibility to pull his head out of his bigoted ass, which is good because it’s really not worth the amount of stress it would take to yank him free from that cult. But maybe when he sees that his hate group is causing him to be excluded from family events, he will not like how isolated he is. And if not, who gives a shit, you’ll be doing fine without his criticisms either way.
Much love and I’m sorry that your dad is a dickhead <3
Today is ass. Bored out of my mind, bought Helldivers 2 on Steam and somehow the purchase failed. I have 400+ games on there and have never had a problem before.
I know Steam’ll put it right eventually, but that does little to alleviate my current boredom & frustration.
So out of sheer ennui I turned on my work laptop to finish some more support requests (god knows there’s a truly endless amount of those in perpetuity) and apparently a vpn update keeps me from connecting to the corporate network.
Guess I’ll just go to fucking bed at 19.00 then.
A bad day for you, a good day for tomorrow morning you
Taking a rest day. Feels like I slept way in because of the time change, but I know it’s a fake hour!
Yeah, the time change always messes me up more than I think it should. I wish we would just stop it altogether.
That we still haven’t is utterly baffling.
Isn’t this the/almost the last one, or was that a fever dream I had?
It only passed the Senate, the House wouldn’t even look at the bill.
Mostly tired, but happy, as there are national elections today where I am at, and by 4pm the total number of voters has already surpassed the total number of voters of the elections in 2022
Feeling dull and unfocused but hey, that’s pretty good compared to most days. Gotta muster up the focus and inspiration to finish up some assets for the TTRPG I run on wednesdays. And then find a way to integrate the new player to our group in a somewhat organic way. I should be a bit more excited but eurghhh, the fatigue of day to day life’s got to me this week.
Short answer, tired af. Longer answer…
The time change fucked my head up. I didn’t sleep well. I just wish the US would stick to this time year round. I know the arguments against it and they’re all resolved by either adjusting timezones state by state where it might be needed or adjusting school and business hours to accommodate seasonal changes in daylight hours. You know, like animals do. Because that’s what we are: animals. Our timekeeping system is a tool and we can and should adjust it or our habits and schedules to optimize its usefulness. Otherwise, the world clock is an arbitrary, floating standard that we use out of tradition rather than practicality, especially considering how incredibly fucking different the world has become in a relatively short time. Seriously, planes, Einstein’s Theory of Relativity, cellophane, and stainless steel all were around before daylight savings was used.
I’ve been at work for about eleven hours and I’m ready to go home. I have tomorrow off and then I have to work night shift Tuesday night through Friday morning. So I might take a nap at like 6pm tonight for an hour or so, stay up until like 2am, sleep in until I naturally wake (hopefully 9ish but probably closer to 7ish), and then go to bed Tuesday morning at like 4am. That should get my rest in while flipping my sleep schedule.
:) /rant
oh god. That does not sound helthy. Bu I have the same problem, don’t want to take sleeping pills so every weekend my sleep cycle gets messed up
It’s not healthy, but I do what I can to mitigate the issues. My job schedule is rotating shift work, and it both pays well and nets me 7 days off in a row every 4 weeks. Day shift is just hard for me. As I’ve gotten older and wiser, I’ve learned more about my energy levels and now know to just tell myself to go the fuck to bed lol. Sometimes I’m in bed by like 8pm because I just know that I need it like that.
I’ve had a wonderfully lazy weekend. Just sitting around watching YouTube and playing video games with my wife. _
Same thing here! I had a hectic week with tons of activities so being able to actually stay home and sleep in was a treat. We played some chicken horse and laughed outloud. It was some much fun!
lazy weekends every once in a while are great. what yall playing?
Still working our way through Baldur’s Gate 3. I’m basically just following her around, letting her experience the game at her own pace. She’s really enjoying it!
I’m doing wonderfully! Looking forward to cooking tonight, trying out a recipe from Nik Sharmas most recent book. How are you doin?
Work has been a pain and got me working basically 7 days a week to get my hours in. If not I won’t have enough for rent.
I do have a job interview tomorrow which I’m really hoping I get. It’ll be a lot less stressful and the pay should be better.
Good luck! Fingers crossed
Thank you! I will update my comment after the interview and once I know more.
You’re gonna do great :)
Doing better, you?
Been getting back on the exercise train. Working on some landscaping in the yard. Made ok progress. As I get in better shape that will improve of course.
Extra energy and motivation today so I am getting back on top of some household chores. It’s been a struggle for a while. I hope I can stay on top of things longer this time.
Life is boring as always. There’s really nothing to do in my city (a new Marjane just opened but it’s still too crowded to be fun to visit), not to mention that traveling somewhere else, not even for the long term, is crazy expensive, especially overseas because visas.
Also Ramadan is starting soon and I feel like I have to be forced to watch the dullest, lowest budget garbage with my family just as I do every single year. I need a break.
Been struggling this week. Idk what it is but if it weren’t for getting the kids to school not sure I’d make it out of bed to get to work.
Getting kids ready for school is a task on its own. Good for you! I am sure that they are better off for tiny things like this.
Yeah, it is like that sometimes, I can relate. We can push through together!
Angry/sweary rant time for anyone who cares to read it:
I’ve had a shit week at work (retail). A shoplifter stole something and I got told off for not following the correct protocol. That’s okay, I can accept & acknowledge my mistake. But my company are greedy bastards and won’t employ a security guard, so I’m expected to confront and even chase people out of the store if I suspect they’ve stolen something. It’s a fucking joke of an expectation, I’m paid minimum wage why should I have to put myself at risk chasing thieves who could be armed with a blade as well as serving customers when there’s only 3-4 of us in the store. I can’t be everywhere at fucking once.
Stack shit on the walls, flog some shitty data harvesting app and useless additional products to every customer who comes in, watch the front of the store in case anyone steals something, serve customers on the check outs, etc. I don’t have 4 arms and eyes on the back of my head.
Fuck my manager too, she’s an asshole that has been unfairly targeting me with criticisms, even though I’ve been doing more than most colleagues in my department. But they don’t get any criticism because they’re her friends that she sees outside of work.
So done with putting in the effort and getting no thanks for it. Might just tell my manager not to give me any more shifts after the end of this month because I’ve had enough of this bullshit. Cunts.
Do you work for a large chain? I think that your head office would have a fucking field day if they found out that your manager was expecting mere store assistants to confront potentially armed and dangerous shoplifters.
If you were to get shanked that would be a H&S lawsuit in the making.
Would almost be tempted to make an anonymous tip to the head office about what’s been going on.
I do. But the worst part is, this is normal for this particular company. I’ve done the training modules and they say to “Make a reasonable effort to protect the stock” which means confronting shoplifters and asking them to open their bags, chasing them outside to try and identify which car they get into, and even attempting to wrestle items off of a shoplifter if they grab stuff and try to run. Also dropping the shutters at the front to lock the thief inside until the police arrive if necessary.
And yet it still says not to put yourself at unnecessary risk. It’s a complete joke honestly. Anyone else I know who works in retail thinks this is insane. And I agree, because I’ve never worked for a company with a policy like this. This should be a job for a security guard, not minimum wage staff who are mostly teenagers.
I don’t know your personal circumstances, but how feasible is it to look for another job? Is there something specifically keeping you there? Sounds like these cunts are putting your mental health at risk, and they’re just not worth it, mate.
That’s the plan, thankfully it’s not that important and I’m not currently in a situation where I literally couldn’t afford to leave my job as I still live at home and am lucky to have great parents.
You’re right, they’re not worth it. Appreciate the thought!
I’m sorry. You should not be expected to confront criminals. I hope it gets better or wondering better comes along.
Thank you, I appreciate the kind words!
actually pretty good for once lol. got some stuff in the near future that I’m quite excited for.
