Years ago, I was in boy scouts (in the US)

For those not familiar with the scouting program, one of the main philosophies is “boys teaching boys” so in a well-run troop, the older, more experienced, and higher-ranking scouts are responsible for actually running the troop. The adult leaders hand down some general guidelines- we need to be ready to do X at Y time, but actually getting the scouts to do that falls to those older scouts.

At the top of the youth hierarchy, is the “staff” patrol, the most senior members of the troop. At its head is the Senior Patrol Leader, and under him there would be various other positions- quartermaster, scribe, one or more Assistant Senior Patrol leaders, etc.

In this story, I was a member of the staff patrol, I believe at the time I was quartermaster, or maybe one of the ASPLs, so I wasn’t normally the one running the show, and truth be told I tended to avoid the leadership responsibilities when possible, and I wasn’t exactly the most by-the-book, type-a, over-achieving model scout, but I was generally well-liked and respected by the younger members of the troop, I knew my stuff, and I was happy to share my knowledge.

On this particular camping trip, most of the staff patrol were unable to attend. I believe it was just my friend Dan and myself. Dan is very much the type-a, overachieving type, and, on paper, much more of a model scout, he may even have already earned his eagle by that point, while I was still chilling at star or life rank. So nominally he was the one in-charge for this trip.

And I was happy to leave him to it. I took my back seat and let him run the show, and I just helped facilitate in the background. And he did a fine job of it, his organizational skills were put to good use throughout the day.

Dan is exactly the type of person you want schmoozing with businessmen and politicians and such, I won’t say that he lacks people skills. But he’s not necessarily the kind of guy you want to hang around a campfire with and drink a couple beers. There’s a time and place for both skill sets, and sometimes when the task at hand is wrangling a bunch of 11-17 year olds who have been let loose in the woods with pocket knives and taught how to build a fire, it’s the second kind of skill you need.

So towards the end of the day, when the task at hand was basically “get all of these asshole kids to settle down and start getting ready for bed” Dan was kind of at a loss. He enjoyed being the one in charge and didn’t particularly want my help, so I sat my ass down and started reading my book, while he tried to herd cats.

And slowly the younger kids began to gravitate towards me. They asked what I was reading, what it was about, and I told them. They hung around, some read their own books, others busied themselves with other quiet tasks, I think a game of magic or two sprung up around me. More kids drifted over, and they’d ask what I was reading, lather, rinse, repeat.

It frankly made it pretty hard for me to read my book, I could only get a couple paragraphs in at a time before someone interrupted me.

So at some point, I decided what I’d do was I’d start reading aloud to them and have a little story time. I wasn’t very far into the book, so I started over from the beginning. I gave them a quick run-down of some of the important things from the first book in the series, and I began reading.

And before too long, all of the younger scouts were gathered around me, listening to me read.

Mission accomplished. I got them all settled down, and I got to read my book.

Dan was kind of amazed at how he had spent about 20 minutes trying to get them all to calm the fuck down, and I did it in like 5 minutes by just reading to them.

That book was The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, the 2nd book of the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy 5-part “Trilogy”

So that’s my recommendation. I figure if it works on a bunch of teens and tweens, it will probably work on a dog as well.

I guess you could start with the first book, but there’s something that feels appropriately Douglas-Adamsian to me about starting from the middle and reading to your dog.

Das Kapital

The Hobbit.

Sing the songs, too

I’d say to pick something light-hearted that puts you in a good mood.

Project Hail Mary.

You can get your dog to bump your fist as well.

Old Yeller

The Call of the Wild

Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.

The Island of Doctor Moreau

He’ll definitely love the plot /s

Just say “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog” over and over so he never forgets his place.

The collective works of HP Lovecraft

Easy, White Fang

I mean Watership Down puts me in a trance like its language is surreal bc of its perspective. Just don’t finish the story.

Edit: just saw another post and second my first post. Beats the hell out of Jack London. I mean come on. That shit is unreadable. I don’t even know who wrote watership down bc I read it and was convinced it was just some rabbit.

Fox in Socks. Rhythm and varying intonation.