or to keep the peace, maybe you think it’s not a big deal but your partner, friend, coworker, parent feels otherwise.

Do you apologize just to validate him?

I always though if I don’t feel bad about it, fuck it, I’m not apologizing, deal with it. It’s not my fault you’re so thin skinned. Grow up.

Now I’m thinking I should be more empathetic and apologize, just to make the aggravated person feel validated, even though I don’t feel bad (or that bad).

This gets more complicated because many times coworkers feel offended because I don’t share my personal life with them or I’m so concentrated on my job that I don’t notice them. Do I apologize for not noticing them?

  • snooggums@lemmy.worldEnglish
    1·
    3 days ago

    Only if I can come up with a way that the thing could possibly be my fault, intentional or not. Like making a decision without asking first, or because I reminded them of something upsetting without intending to like reminding them of something other than what we are talking about. The latter is going to be the ‘I’m sorry I upset you’ not a real apology, because I’m not really sorry for saying the thing, just that it caused them to be upset.

    In the past I would apologize for things I didn’t do and all it did was make things worse because it was just a reflex response and it wasn’t like I could avoid doing things I didn’t do in the first place in the future.

    At work I will apologize for things that may be due to not having enough information, but in that case at best I’m going to apologize for not finding out what I didn’t know. It is kind of bullshit, but at least they tend to provide more information in the future. It is catering to people who can’t admit their own faults to a degree, but ends up being like small talk, something we do to get other people to work as a team.