it was bad, but we both agree we have to talk about it.
The conversation became a yelling match where neither listened to the other, we both started ranting about the other one and left the room.
It was, however, mostly my fault, something I want to acknowledge.
I was thinking about using pauses each time one feels offended or thinks is going to yell, so we both leave the room and calm down, pauses we can use to try to understand the other’s point of view before resuming the conversation. We don’t have to solve all our problems in one sitting, we could explain how we see a particular issue and if we don’t see an immediate solution, sleep on it, meet on another day to keep talking about it. I’ve also heard about using a talking pillow and not forgetting is not me against her, but we against the problem, but other than that I have no idea what to do.
I also plan to tell her I find some things she does extremely unfair because this is not a one sided apology where I’m the only guilty party.
This is a conversation to clear the air, to be sincere and to see if we still want to be friends.
Use I feel statements. Do not say that somebody is categorically doing a thing or not doing a thing, say that you feel like they are doing a thing, and then explain why you feel that they are doing that thing and how that makes you feel. Do not judge them for it. Just clarify how you personally feel. That way you are not speaking to what they are doing, just how it is impacting you. Combine that with genuine communication and you should be okay. Be ready to make compromises. Be ready to listen to how they feel as well, not just to talk about how you feel.