I studied physics in university. I didn’t put any real thought into what I was going to do with it afterwards, I was just choosing something that seemed interesting and helped me make sense of the world. What I discovered afterwards is that the main use of physics in the economy is to find new and exciting ways of blowing people up. I had been drawn to science by the idea that I was going to work towards the benefit of all humanity. I’m ashamed to admit it, but there was a moment around when I graduated when a friend of mine joined the Navy, and I really considered it. Fortunately, I came to my senses and said no.

Instead, I wound up working the meat counter at a grocery store. This was before I went vegan but I still had negative feelings about it. From there, I wound up picking in an Amazon warehouse for a couple years, and I’ve kinda bounced around other warehouses, occasionally getting involved in some technical roles in them.

Amazon’s a big evil corporation, but at least it’s honest work and a peaceful life. I could never live with myself if I did something in service of the war machine. To me, stopping what you’re doing to go move boxes at Amazon is kinda the baseline to me, like it’s not perfectly ethical but if doing that is significantly better for the world than what you’re doing, then like… the option exists for you. If you’re doing something evil like working for the military industrial complex, then that’s on you, sure it might be much less pleasant and less lucrative but burglary is lucrative too and that doesn’t make it justified. It’s far better to live a small, humble life making sure that you leave the world better than you found it than to have a big impact but it’s negative.

I guess some people might be able to tune out the screams or twist their brain into knots justifying it, but idk. If you’re walking down the street and you see someone screaming in pain, your instinct is to help them. You want to help them. You want to help them. That urge to help them is your own will. If you take that suffering and hide it away where you won’t see it, all you’re doing is decieving yourself into subverting your own, natural inclination towards empathy and compassion. That’s not really the sort of thing healthy people do, is it? My dabbling in Buddhism is showing here, but that’s what I’d call, “taking refuge in ignorance.” That’s no way to live your life, hiding from the ghosts of your victims.

My time working at a meat counter called my attention to my feelings about meat, and I didn’t act on them until much later but it planted a seed in my mind that might not have been there otherwise, it brought my conflicted feelings to the forefront. Every time I ate meat, I had a little feeling of guilt in my heart that I pushed aside, but once I finally listened to it, a weight was lifted and I’m much happier for it. I might not have ever really noticed and examined that if I hadn’t had that job.

There’s a lot of edge cases no matter where you draw the line, and I say, do what you will, but never turn away from the truth. If you feel conflicted, face that conflict, if you feel uneasy, interrogate that feeling, figure out what your mind is telling you and how best to follow your feelings, judgement, and conscience. And if you wanna stomach something you feel is wrong so you can get that bag, you know, that’s your decision, just know that you’ll have to live with it the rest of your life.