Oh freddled gruntbuggly,

Thy micturations are to me,

As plurdled gabbleblotchits. On a lurgid bee,

That mordiously hath blurted out,

Its earted jurtles, grumbling

Into a rancid festering confectious organ squealer.

Now the jurpling slayjid agrocrustles,

Are slurping hagrilly up the axlegrurts,

And living glupules frart and stipulate,

Like jowling meated liverslime,

Groop, I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes,

And hooptiously drangle me,

With crinkly bindlewurdles.

Or else I shall rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon,

See if I don’t!

Would Vogons even like Chess, or any game that didn’t involve smashing something to bits and eating it?

I imagine to get a Vogon to play Chess, you would have to get a specially requested form signed in triplicate across 12 different divisions of the Chess Department (A sub-department of the Entertainment and Leisure Department, a department that only one middle manager knows about, and he’s on Annual Leave today), one for each type of piece for the game, and again for each colour. After a period of 18 months they will maybe approve your request for the forms you need to fill in to request a game of Chess with one specific Vogon, who will then be asked to fill in another form (also signed in triplicate) to accept the challenge.

By the time you get to actually sitting down to start the chess match, you realise you didn’t mention on the form who was going to go first, so you have to pack everything up and start the process all over again!