I think I’m on my way to happiness.
I finally left my abusive wife this week. It was really scary, and she keeps sending me threats (to take me for child support and ruin my life) but I was able to get ahold if a crisis center for abused people, thankfully they have support for men. The crisis center is going to help me tackle all the debt she’s put me in and get me into an apartment that will have room for me and my kids!
Yesterday for the first time in 14 years, I was completely free. I just drove around town. I went and got an ice cream cone, and I got a Mexican Pizza from taco bell, and nobody insulted me, put me down, or made me feel worthless. I got a glimpse of me and I really miss that guy. I used to have the nick name smiley because I always walked around with a shit eating grin on my face because I love life and I love my job, but she’s worn away at me lately.
I might be homeless technically, but I have a safe space until I can get on my feet. I get my kids tonight, we’re going to have a pizza party and play Mario Kart together. I think everything is going to be fine soon…
Hugs
I’m doing it!
The crysis center already has an apartment for me. They’re going to pay first months rent and deposit, I can even have my cats with me!
Since I left my wife, I’ve been saving sooooo much money. I know how to cook on a budget, the kids aren’t picky, and I’m not wasting my money on door dash!
It’s gonna be a tough journey, but I can do this!
It sounds like you are already doing this!
Congrats and good luck!
I know you’re a stranger, but I get the keys to the apartment in about an hour!!!
I want to tell everyone, but I have nobody to tell. I’m FINALLY going to have a home to go home to.
Biggest thing I did to go from feeling like shit to actually feeling engaged was getting involved with my union. Life is so much more satisfying when you do something that matters, and when the existing union leadership who have been largely useless described me as “trouble” I felt validated lol.
Even if your union is running well they pretty much can always use an extra set of hands, so step up!
Strikes and gutters, ups and downs. This year’s been the drizzling shits, and it’s tough to keep my chin up but I’m getting by.
Hope you’re doing great OP
I’m very happy and living as well as anyone could hope for.
There was probably a lot of luck involved. Including having a good upbringing, supportive parents, decent education. But I also worked very hard to improve the things in my life I was unhappy with. Then I think the last bit is just gratitude for what I do have. I could spend months focusing on how I don’t have a yacht or private jet, or whatever, and be unhappy. But it’s so much better to appreciate what you do have. A good partner, a nice home, great food, a healthy body, an inquisitive mind. Access to the internet with all the good it has to offer.
I recommend focusing on and appreciating what you already have.
Yes, living well. Happy mostly. Embodying values and dreams - as much as possible since some dreams would have needed to be started years ago to be realized - like my vineyard and my orchard. Mostly it was reinventing myself every five or seven years to follow the lucre (in software development world look for the bright and shiny new thing).
I was self employed for most of the time, and I can recommend that for those who have a pretty good work ethic. Having a goal in high school was also a key factor, since it led to a useful degree. I was also doing constant internal evaluation - like the feeling where you’re going over your desired job description for a job interview - via a journal or a self help program like “The Red Bucket Strategy”. So, in answer to how did this happen question: it was pretty methodical in using the steering gear you have to make course corrections all the time.
Im pretty happy but due to ADHD im never really satisfied with what i have currently in a sense.
I’m very grateful for my job, my current living situation and my partner but im always looking forward to new projects and stuff that i wanna do. I finish one thing and i really like that and then i move onto the next thing cause i feel like i have to. Just cant sit still for too long.
How it happened is i just got lucky. I got a good family that helped me with a place to live, my buddy helped me get my current job in an IT adjacent position, and i met my gf on tinder when she was just about to leave the app for good.
So yea, just kinda got lucky. I do work hard too and struggled alot with ADHD and other mental health issues before getting diagnosed so im glad things worked out eventually.
Nope. I did what traumas and society wanted me to. I didn’t start living intentionally until I was 30. I’m making much better decisions, I think, but I’m following through on my commitments because I want to be a person who follows through. That’s even if my prior commitments were made with incomplete information.
A lot, A LOT, of my life decisions were made in fear and anxiety, on incomplete or incorrect information. I know better, now, and am trying to break the cycle for my kids.
By most people’s standards I’m not living well since I’m a little poor / frugal, but I’m happy. My dream as a teenager was to move to the west coast and start a new life. Well, just after I finished high school my dad kicked me out to use my room to start a new business or something and since I was already homeless, I headed out west. That was years ago and I’m now still living here in California with an apartment I love and a job I don’t hate. Not the wealthiest but beats those 3 months I was homeless and living in scraps. I also no longer have the friends I wanted to move here to live with because they ended up being pieces of shit, but I like my roommates and still have internet friends so I’m happy with life.
Removing all the pieces of shit from your life is a great idea for personal wellbeing. I hope you continue to thrive.
No. I would be happy and awesome at doing pretty much any ground level technical work but thanks to corporate greed and inflation I can’t afford to live on what I’d make doing any of those. So I had to take promotions to roles that are more about communicating with a bunch of different people to have them do stuff while fielding questions from leadership about why shit wasn’t done on time. This stresses me the fuck out and leaves me too mentally drained at the end of the day to do any personal projects and I’m still can’t even afford to actually own a home.
More-or-less my wife’s situation. I feel for her and try my best to support her, but she’s miserable every working day for the same reasons as you. Maybe it’s time to grab a new job as an experienced tech or even a consultant?
My values and dreams have changed a lot since I was a kid. I like the ones I have now, they’re more humane and compassionate.
I think I have an ok life, nothing amazing but I have a stable job, good marketable skills, a loving girlfriend and two cats. I’m not exactly where I want to be but I’m still working on it.
I had a lot of self realisations in the past few years and it made me understand who I was and why I am the way I am. So that’s also great I think.If it’s okay to ask, what changed to your dreams from then?
My first dream was to leave the region I grew up in, which I did. The second was to leave my native country which I did too, but then I had to come back. So it felt a bit like a setback. That’s still one of my goals.
As for dreams that never happened (or didn’t happen yet) one was to live in Singapore for a while and then New Zealand.My first dream was to leave the region I grew up in, which I did. The second was to leave my native country
I get that, I had that exact order of things I wanted to accomplish myself. It was rough, but I feel I’ve made it happen.
but then I had to come back. So it felt a bit like a setback. That’s still one of my goals.
But you went out, that’s an accomplishment. And if you could do it once, you can do it again. If it is harder for some reason now, you’ve had practice, you’ll do it. I believe in you.
- Well - yes
- Happily - mostly
- Embodying my values and dreams - mostly
How it happened? Mostly by chance. I’m good at what I do and work in the medical industry for a small company that actually strives to help people rather than maximize revenue, and compensates employees very fairly, allowing me to live well and in accordance with my personal values. Nothing is ever 100%, but I’m mostly satisfied really. Of course there are some days where I dream of running a coffee shop in Bali, but that’s just one of those days.
As for the second part, I’ve got a great partner, great friends, and sufficient free time to do what I enjoy. I’m just living in a city I’m not particularly fond of, so that leaves room for improvement.
No no no
Absolutely not, no. How should this be possible with all the external responsibilities that need to be fulfilled in order to survive in a modern-day society?
Yep. I didn’t feel this way for a long time, then realised it was because I was married to the wrong woman. She was heavily influencing the sort of man I was outwardly portraying, and it always felt like I was wearing a badly-made suit.
After the end of that marriage, I met my soul mate, and now have two wonderful stepkids and an incredible daughter. We’ve now been together for a little over 11 years, and I’m still amazed at how lucky I am. My family gives me purpose and meaning, every day.
After that, nothing else matters.
Absolutely to everything.
It happened because I kept re-evaluating all of my beliefs, changing my mind all the time to include values, principles and beliefs that are conducive to answering yes to these questions.
Also, learning more about the world, especially human behavior and the human psyche.
I have absolutely no attachment to any of my beliefs, any kind of new information gets incorporated into my belief set and changes how I think about things. Depending how impactful and credible the information is, the change is bigger or smaller.
One big belief is that it’s not necessary to have any dreams or goals at all. Or, if I do have one, that it’s completely irrelevant if I reach or don’t reach it. Most people can’t comprehend living like this, it requires a “support cast” of various other beliefs that makes this one possible.
But yeah, to answer “how’d this happen” correctly, I’d have to tell you my whole life story, which I can’t even remember fully, lol
