That was the idea, but now I think a copy of Dianetics is funnier.

A bible.

I’m sure this doesn’t count, but my WoW life was utterly ideal, aside from me sucking at being a rogue.

I played in the same dining room as several (4-6) friends and we grouped up constantly.

But I also didn’t care one tiny fuck about the endgame grind. I hit level 60 (the max at the time), shouted “I win,” and sold my account to a friend for forty bucks.

My current life, I’m not really a gamer other than mobile crap and D&D these days. Too old, tired, busy.

Maybe, just maybe, they’re so incompetent that they get the phrase wrong and accidentally win?

I’ve always loved broccoli, and a lot of folks hate it, so…

Roast your broccoli, people.

Toss it with a little olive oil, salt it, and bake at 400 or so until it’s browning.

It adds a depth of flavor you wouldn’t expect if you’ve never had it.

Heh, I corrected that.

I met my wife online about fifteen years ago.

We were in the same town and met after maybe two weeks of messaging each other… and we just clicked. (Views on politics, religion, drugs/alcohol, pets, and lifestyle were all compatible, easy to just be around each other, etc.)

I’m 51 now and this is my fourth relationship. It’s never been easy to find someone I match up with. (For context, I’m tall, balding, and quite fat, but I think I’m pretty attractive/do well with what I have. I didn’t always have that confidence in myself. Don’t beat yourself up, it really doesn’t help.)

It’s also worth saying that I was in a terribly dark place when I met my wife, but I put myself out there anyway. Working on yourself is a great priority, without question, but I found someone who accepted me at my lowest, helped me to be better, and I was then able to reward her by being a good husband. Having been through that (and other dark times) has made us stronger together.

So my advice is:

1. That old canard, ‘Be attractive. Don’t be unattractive’ is completely true. Play up on what makes you attractive, and don’t mess that up by being rude or smelling bad.

2. Show interest in public. By that I mean be jovial and open. Notice those who respond in kind. If you can, strike up a tiny conversation. Build those skills in little moments. Maybe this will go somewhere, maybe not, but you’re learning to be more open.

3. Be social, and some of that can include online dating. If you’re doing online dating, try to meet early, as that’s where you’ll be able to find if you click with someone. You just can’t know until you meet, in my opinion. Plus long online-only relationships involve you envisioning the ideal of a partner rather than seeing if you can live with them.

4. Put yourself out there! You can’t get better about approaching women if you don’t keep trying. Don’t hit on everyone you meet, of course, but I’ve known really ugly guys who always had a cute girlfriend (Also a couple schlubby guys who married absolutely gorgeous women, somehow) and several solid couples where neither are conventionally attractive, but they have love and a great life together.

And that last line should be your goal, a great partner and a great life.

This was back in 2000, had just gone through a divorce. Had gotten a new pad with a friend and started hanging out with his stoner buddies. (Most of them are still close friends to this day.)

I took something like five hits of acid. I’d tried it only once before and it didn’t too much for me, so I upper the dosage.

I still didn’t get visuals, but it was an interesting trip.

A friend of mine was on the couch flipping through cable and settled on a claymation Don Quixote, which was just perfect for a melting reality. Thumbprints in the clay, rough work.

And I did something really goddamned stupid. I took out my new fancy chisels to practice on a block of wood.

Thankfully I didnt cut myself. I was being careful and just trying to gouge out a volcano on the end of a block of pine, twisting my arm to turn the block.

I went through some deep internal stuff about how I treated myself and women, why I’d been alone for so long.

In the weeks to follow I asked out four women I had crushes on and was shot down each time, but the point was I held onto this shit rather than ever expressed any interest. It was really useful.

So I’m coming off the trip and I’m sitting at my computer, and my hand just slides off the keyboard.

Repeatedly.

I’d held my arm in that extreme twisted position so long whilst contemplating my love life, set to claymation Don Quixote, that I almost gave myself fucking nerve damage.

I think that, in the process, you’ll be creating enough Gilbert Gottfried impersonators that they couldn’t all be low-quality any longer.

Just one little hitch in your otherwise flawless plan.

Word.

I was already not buying their crap.

Now I can do so gleefully.

No, it was purely by choice in a well-marked post.

I’m scared about the blowback.

It was inevitable that eventually somebody would ‘fight back’ somehow.

Now we have to deal with how all the idiots act, react and overreact.

It won’t be pretty, but again, it was inevitable.

The day of, when it happened, I watched the video… and then had to literally touch grass, walk it off, get some fresh air.

Wife got home, wanted to see it, had the same reaction.

I just don’t like watching people die, no matter who it is. But now and then I gaze into the void deliberately.

How many other Banksy’s have been removed?

It seems to me he has been celebrated for most of his ‘career’.

I mean we all know why this one was scrubbed, but I’m kinda curious.

Heh. Autocomplete.

Any attempt at self-improvement is not pathetic. My phone suggested self-forgiveness, which also is key here.

You are trying to be more aware and less impulsive. The key here is mindfulness, not that it’s easy to attain/achieve.

I said self-forgiveness because beating yourself up for your perceived failures will also hold you back.

Failure is key to success.

I’ve made a little progress toward changing my internal monolog, and it has served me well. Be nicer to yourself and laugh off your failures lest the memory of them become baggage.

My dad is a Buddhist. I never got good at meditation, but I recognize its value.

But mainly, be kinder to yourself. Perfection was never an option, so why would you expect it from yourself?

Relax. Breathe. You’ll figure things out, whether or not you achieve these goals.

Because we are going through a growth spurt at the same time.

I was at a restaurant with my wife’s family - lots of kids.

This place was in a fairly rural area and there were chickens pecking around outside.

While eating one of the kids says “A chicken just crossed the road!”

No hesitation at all I yell “WHY?!?”

Unfortunately there is no way to do this by the legal system.

Any blue state running afoul of its own laws will result in their appointments being denied.

Rules no longer matter and this next ‘election’ will not solve that.

I truly hope that I am wrong.

I will occasionally butter one piece, peanut butter the other, and have a truly decadent toasted peanut butter sandwich.