My company forces everyone to take a training that must be repeated every year, teaching us that we have to always refuse gifts because of corruption and
collisioncollusion laws.I can only hope that was an autocorrect, otherwise you’d better retake that training. Or maybe full-contact corrupting is a thing now…
I meant collusion 😅
We need to start recognizing corporate greed as a mental disorder. This is a company large enough that employees don’t interact with the owner directly, and all the profits from the company aren’t enough for the owner: they also want the pen the delivery guy gave you. It’s a sickness.
The Native Americans recognized a greed sickness in white men. They called it watika, IIRC.
Thanks for this! Watiko look like an interesting rabbit hole to explore.
Yeah the word he spelled came from Hindu meaning garden apparently. Or Africa meaning creative. No ties to America I could find. I guess they sound close
Broken link
That link worked for me.
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This is illegal most places. Might want to look into that.
Client gifted me a truck load of manure
This is because the gifts must be tossed in the hole. The hole that runs the company. Because the company is run by a hole.
Once the hole is filled the company dies and you are free.
Source: I fill holes.
Food? So if a client takes me for a meal I have to make sure to vomit it onto my boss’ desk when I get back to the office?
You can generally wait 2 or 3 days before giving him the food. Of course by then it’s been processed.
Obviously not. You order it to go, sit there awkwardly while the client eats, then bring the box of cold food to the manager who the gives it to the owner eventually.
It’s all about the proper regurgitating technique
Vomiting is not as much fun as waiting for it to be ready for you to deposit on the boss’ desk the other way.
True, but it’s good to have options.
Yes. Malicious compliance.
make me
In our company this is a bribe and we don’t accept bribes.
Last company where I faced external suppliers, I had to take a training where they said we couldn’t accept any item worth more than like $20, except food or alcohol during a presentation. But we could accept such items on behalf of the company, and they would be raffled off to a random employee. One time a guy in purchasing got a giant brass horse head from a Chinese supplier. I guess nobody signed up for the raffle, so it became a permanent fixture in the cafeteria.
Same in ours.
Myself and another guy went to a tech junket that was by invite only and they gave away a laptop to one person from each company who attended. My boss tried to take the laptop from the other guy saying “that was a gift and you need to turn it over to me”
I’d already cleared it with our corporate conflict of interest ombudsman - if I’d accepted it, it would have been an issue because I had purchasing authority, but other guy was “just” a tech who couldn’t sign off on anything or even make recommendations to anyone other than me, we didn’t have an existing business relationship with the vendor, and we’re not obligated to conduct any business with them as a result of the gift.
I told my boss to take it up with head-of-department (whom I’d copied in on the ombudsman comms.)
Other guy kept the laptop, and boss got ‘audited’ for gifts received (they pulled his emails) and was demoted into a position he wasn’t able to handle (more technical than he was capable of, but on paper should have been able to do) and pushed out of the company soon thereafter.
What are you, a cop?
Not if they don’t accept bribes, they aren’t.
Wait, if I am, do I have to tell you?
If you are one, no. I think you get in trouble if you don’t lie and/or kick my shit in, actually
I’ll have to carry unnecessary violence with me wherever I go. Will a bat be OK?
A bat is fine too.
Yeah, that company has red flags.
Red flag number 1: the contents of the note
Red flag number 2: using duct tape to attach the note to the wall. Hints at a huge managerial Skill Issue.
A proper company would instead be talking about compliance and how gifts of really any meaningful value have to be rejected outright.
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Have vendor take you out to lunch.
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Walk into bosses office and regurgitate the lunch onto their desk.
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Profit?
Make sure the vendor buys you a nice boozy drink. Some top shelf whiskey or something. Bosses love top shelf whiskey.
And make sure you get something that looks absolutely repulsive after you vomit it back up. I’d recommend a Greek Salad, extra feta.
Take long enough and you can just shit on the boss’s desk, slap down the paper, and ask for a “thank you” for bringing back some lunch.
Take a picture of the shit and add it to the expense report. Make sure you notate that you did not keep the gift and instead rescinded ownership to your boss.
Take a picture? How are they going to smell or taste it? Either shit at work and don’t flush or shit on the floor at work if you want to flush.
Let’s be fair: by that stage you should probably also draw some blood and leave it there.
Wouldn’t want to unwittingly be keeping from the boss the nutrients from that free meal.
For good measure, you should skip breakfast and make sure you have a big lunch.
No reason to give your boss any of your breakfast tho. That’s on your time.
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If you’re in the USA, please feel fee to photograph and submit to NLRB for review. They like it when the guilty type it up and post it.
Nlrb is dead in the trump era. Rip
State Labor boards should be largely unaffected, and are usually the ones to actually punish the offenders anyway.
Federalism for the win I guess
Once a user came into our office on the verge of tears. Her notebook wouldn’t boot and she thought that meant her thesis was lost.
Didn’t make a backup either.
But luckily it was the mainboard that quit and not the SSD. So we were able to decrypt it and get her up and running again. After we told her to make a backup next time, she was so happy that she wanted to give us money. We refused.
Come next day, she stormed in, without saying a word. Just threw a pile of candy and a handful of soft drinks on our table and ran off before we could do anything about it.
Fuck you, boss. That’s our candy now.
Thats a great feeling. I did extremely low level tech support for other students while at uni. in 2003 (Think issuing user names, filling copy paper, sorting out storage space allocation on the shared drives.) Small part time job that paid for boze. A girl came in with a 3.5" floppy disk on the verge of tears and said she couldn’t get the file on it. It was her master thesis and the only place she had stored it. We still had floppy disk drives and I slitted it in and used a dos shell to acess a: but nothing. No disk in drive. I took the floppy out and noticed that the metal protection of the actuall disk (that soft plastic circle) didn’t slide properly. To me it looked like the spring was just to worn and had no tension. Took it off and could then access the files on it. Error was that the spring wasn’t able to slide the metal protector away when inserted into the reader.
Copied the files to her “home” area, sent a copy by email and gave her a new floppy with the files and told her about the importance of back ups.
The sheer look of relief and gratitude was priceless.
The whole story just warms my heart.
Heroes definitelly don’t always wear capes!
Some companies would tell you not to take gifts in case they look like bribes
When I worked for a major database company they made me take annual training to explain that I wasn’t allowed to buy sex workers for potential clients.
So Oracle.
Was after the catapult incident?
Ootl…did the catapult incident involve a sex worker?
Multiple sex workers.
I’m even more ootl. What happened?
Were there multiple catapults, as well?
Nope, just one catapult firing sex workers into a hotel room and one of the calculations was off and she went splat.
Oh, so only one sex worker was involved in the catapult incident. The rest were no incident.
Duh, buying them would be capex. No one wants to do depreciation. Short term lease with a damage clause.
This guy businesses.
My handbook at work specifically bans buying illicit drugs for customers with the company card.
It doesn’t say anything about buying it with my card and getting reimbursed though…
Make sure the dealer gives you a receipt.
“buy”
So renting is not an issue! Or as a Service…
So many options left. Next time I talk to big red I’ll ask the rep about his interpretation of this training.
;)
…it feels like they told you whixh sex workers not to hire.
One place i worked at collected all gifts and had a lottery at Christmas, where employees could win them. I feel that’s a fair way to deal with this.
Oh that’s neat! I bet it could get out of hand though at a particularly high dollar company
That’s true, but this directs them to the owner anyway, which is the same thing. It just goes to someone else. If this was actually anti-bribery policy, gifts should not be accepted full stop.
There is usually a common-sense bar where this is applied though. Some items on that list would for sure apply, but in that case the employee should politely decline, not hand the goods over to the owner. I’d like to think that’s fake. But, I can imagine that it’s very real somewhere.;
In some type of job it is even illegal
Best start having takeaway cups at home next time somebody comes by to install something, just in case they need to take the gift which is my offering of coffee or tea, to their bosses…
usually, you’re supposed to turn down the gift, this is just wrong
I’ve heard stories of clients giving gifts getting pissed when the wrong person claims them, so it’s risky for not just legal reasons
The only time I’ve ever had to agree to anything like this in writing was when I worked for a publicly-traded company.
