I’m often disappointed with myself when I’m angry. It feels like, “a stronger person wouldn’t be mad at this” or “I’m fragile/insecure”. Anger has been the hardest emotion to live with; it just feels wrong.

I always need external validation from others during/after anger. And worse, I need an endless supply of it.

Learning to validate myself is the obvious solution but I don’t have a clue where to start. A self-help book would just sit on a shelf. Do you have any tips?

  • stinky@redlemmy.comOPEnglish
    2·
    3 days ago

    I think so? although I could write these things down… I’m pretty bad at taking inventory

    • sopularity_fax@sopuli.xyz
      4·
      3 days ago

      Stinky’s Inventory

      Lets start now and you can come back to it however long that takes.

      This can be you inventory, one thing at a time

      • stinky@redlemmy.comOPEnglish
        2·
        18 hours ago

        I reached 1 year at my job. I got a great review from my manager, and have been working hard to be helpful and kind to my teammates. I’m proud of myself. The money’s not bad either

      • stinky@redlemmy.comOPEnglish
        2·
        2 days ago

        This summer I took good care of my body. Minimized the drinking and eating and got down to my goal weight. I’m going to start lifting again and put on some muscle. My son even complimented my appearance!

        • sopularity_fax@sopuli.xyz
          1·
          2 days ago

          Is there any way you can get your son involved so you can also pass that down to him and give him that extra head start on valuing working out and taking care of himself like you’re modelling for him currently?

          • stinky@redlemmy.comOPEnglish
            2·
            2 days ago

            Yes, he just moved back in with me. Willingly! We’ve got a lot of time together now

      • stinky@redlemmy.comOPEnglish
        6·
        3 days ago

        I’m proud of the relationship I have with my son. After many difficult years we’ve reached a place of mutual respect and we’re both comfortable (and knowledgeable) about each other’s boundaries.

        …I’m gonna grab my journal

        thank you <3

        • sopularity_fax@sopuli.xyz
          2·
          2 days ago

          Im beyond glad to hear that about boundaries and having that breakthru for both of you in coming to understand that. Its a very rare thing honestly, its like the holy grail of mental health and overall wellness in my very humble findings. It wont necessarily make you well or whole but it will prevent others from taking you down any further and will ensure you have an upward trend focus going forward

          Keep going whenever you like by replying above this level so you can make a list for yourself to peruse whenever you need a boost for yourself and others can jump in if they have something helpful to supplement that

          Aside, lots of people end up with little or zero eventual relationship with their children because they dont realize how kids grow up and start having a choice and being able to curate their associations to the ones that allow them to feel safe and valued. Sounds like youre way ahead of the game on that one.

          Edit: if your child grows up believing they can talk to you about any problem they’re having without fear of making it worse and actually possibky helping them work thru shit, and they see that you understand when they say they need you or you need them to change behavior and it works out well for everyone in the shared history, you guys will be just fine.

          • stinky@redlemmy.comOPEnglish
            2·
            3 days ago

            Thanks for the insight, and gentle instructions, you seem like good people

            I may @ you in some of my posts, but please don’t feel obligated to reply, it’s mostly just for visibility, although I would appreciate any feedback when your schedule permits

            Thanks again, be safe and happy

            • sopularity_fax@sopuli.xyz
              1·
              3 days ago

              Happy to be a positive influence :) keep adding to your inventory list here, might be helpful to others as well as yourself

      • stinky@redlemmy.comOPEnglish
        2·
        3 days ago

        My aunt is getting older, and although she’s been a caretaker her whole life she’s now in a position of beneficiary rather than benefactor. It’s been hard for her. She’s often frustrated or antagonistic. She rents a room from me and sometimes uses her access to be invasive, such as reading through others’ mail or trash contents.

        In my childhood I would have fought her. My first thought is “How dare you” but with a little work I understand where her behavior comes from: she’s trying to get some power back. It’s painful for her to be powerless in old age.

        Forgiving her and giving her the same grace I give others has been a challenge. I’m glad I have this now