cross-posted from: https://linux.community/post/3389091
or to keep the peace, maybe you think it’s not a big deal but your partner, friend, coworker, parent feels otherwise.
Do you apologize just to validate him?
I always though if I don’t feel bad about it, fuck it, I’m not apologizing, deal with it. It’s not my fault you’re so thin skinned. Grow up.
Now I’m thinking I should be more empathetic and apologize, just to make the aggravated person feel validated, even though I don’t feel bad (or that bad).
This gets more complicated because many times coworkers feel offended because I don’t share my personal life with them or I’m so concentrated on my job that I don’t notice them. Do I apologize for not noticing them?
I’m Canadian. Sorry comes out of my mouth without thinking.
Actually, sometimes I’ll instinctively say sorry and then say it again when my brain decides it’s actually warrented because I’m worried the first one wasn’t sincere.
Noted, when talking to Canadians they only mean it when they say sorry twice.
I’m Canadian, so… kinda, I apologize for everything.
I regularly see interactions where one person makes a mistake and both people apologize.
I’ve seen it sometimes where no one makes a mistake and both people apologize.
apparently in canada saying “sorry” is no longer considered an admission of guilt, legally, since people say it too much.
In canada they say ‘sory.’
Isn’t it “sawry”?
I’m loving all the Canadians in this thread.
If you’re a kind person, there’s always something to apologize for. I was taught a long time ago that it was OK to apologize, but that you should add " for…" to the end and if it still sounds OK then you should say it.
“I’m sorry for hurting your feelings.” “I’m sorry that you don’t enjoy the meal that I prepared for the family.” “I’m sorry your face looks like an anus.” “I’m sorry that you’re too stupid to understand that I’m not complimenting you.” …and so on. This took an unexpected turn.
PS: I’ll apologize in most confrontations as a way to de-escalate the situation.
Most of the time here its just a quick “Sorry” and maybe a head nod. Its not meant as a full blown apology, its more like a way to quickly communicate you’re not a complete asshole.
Sorry, eh?
I only apologize if i mean it. But I do mean it when I say “I’m sorry for how my actions have impacted you as that was not my intention.”
Sometimes people are hurt because of something that’s not entirely fair to expect of someone else. That’s reality. And I’m sorry that we’re not more aligned. If I have to establish a boundary for my own well being I’m not enjoying the difficulty someone else may have with that, but I prioritize myself out of necessity because I an the only one who I can expect to do so.
What are we apologizing for? Because no, I don’t apologize if I’m not in the wrong.
I sometimes do with my partner, but it’s not genuine and she catches up on it too and knows when it’s not genuine. I feel like you shouldn’t force yourself to apologise just for the sake of apologising, but try and validate the feelings of the person you’re apologising to and try to get to the bottom of what’s caused the hurting to begin with. Communication is key as always.
Then again, it’s different depending on who I’m apologising to. If it’s a person I don’t have too much contact with or with whom I’m not on a super personal level, I’ll apologise out of decency or social obligation but not necessarily because I’m genuinely sorry, if that makes sense?
Depends on the context as well as my and the other person’s mental wellbeing and the relationship we share.
In principle, I wouldn’t. In practice, it’s gotten better over the past few years, but I’m still sometimes a bit of a people-pleaser. Sometimes it’s reflexive and I’ll have to catch myself before a wayward “sorry” slips out of my mouth.
I will find something to apologize about
I don’t even apologize when I am wrong, instead I just sit alone alot and think about all the friends I used to have.
:')
The less I expect of/need from the person, the more willing I am to apologise just to “keep the peace” or help them feel better. After 6 years of working front desk jobs, it comes naturally to me to empathize and throw a “I’m really sorry, I understand” here and there too, lol.
As a Canadian I would consider someone that doesn’t apologize to be a little rude, even if they have nothing to do with the event, but our definition of sorry is a bit different than other english speakers.
Are you married ?..
They kick you out of Canada if this isn’t your daily way of life.
It really depends. Apologies can be a tricky business, but tossing them out can help bring the temperature down to move forward. Sometimes you have to read between the lines to determine whether it’s useful or not, or what exactly they want an apology for (it’s not always what you’d think at first).
Looking at your example in the end, I’d take the following tack - “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you. When I’m here, I try to stay really focused on what I need to do. If I’m not super responsive or don’t notice you right away, it’s because I’m concentrating on something else. It doesn’t mean that I am deliberately ignoring you, or think badly of you. [If you can muster it/can honestly say something nice about them, do it. It helps. Has to be genuine though.] I hope you understand.”
Might calm things down, might not. But I’ve had folks respond to this approach before (when they just want to feel acknowledged, which is where most ‘y u ignoring me’ reactions come from).
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Yeah I do its a habbit, I’m not sure if it’s a good thing though because the word sorry loses its weight if everyone says it without really meaning anything.
Also a lot of people should say sorry and mean it more often, I make this mistake too it’s so easy to get court in an argument with someone and start fighting for the purpose of winning. Sometimes you need to take a step back and consider that the other side is actually making a really good point and that you might be wrong.
