I’ve pretty much hit rock bottom and come to the conclusion that I can’t stay on my current trajectory. It’s already cost me one, if not two, relationships, and I’m tired of dating on hard mode. I’m worried I might be too far gone, so it would be immensely helpful to hear from someone who’s been in the same place and managed to turn things around.
I can manage a week or two with the power of self loathing but once the urges come back I’m really, and I mean really good at coming up with excuses.
I’m no expert in this. Maybe it’s possible to moderate your use without eliminating it entirely. They say you can’t do that with drugs and alcohol (if you’re an addict), but this may be different.
What’s probably most useful is to find other things you like to do instead. Perhaps you just lack other interests, and that’s why you spend so much time on one thing. You could try developing competing interest(s).
People can become addicted to food, too, but clearly can’t stop entirely. There are comparisons.
That said, I’d say this is more like work addiction or shopping addiction where stopping completely for a time is possible while you detox, then see what feels right about reintroducing healthy versions in a safe way.
Probably so. As with anything, the dose makes the poison.
It’s not that I don’t have other interests or things to do. I think porn (and weed) are ways to escape uncomfortable feelings in my life rather than dealing with them. It also kind of numbs me or makes me lethargic/passive, since I go for the quick and easy reward for low effort rather than the other way around. I don’t even get the same enjoyment from it as I used to, so I just keep upping the dose hoping for the same reward, but I don’t get it - yet I keep doing it.
You just described addiction as a mental condition. People can use anything as an unhealthy coping mechanism. It sounds like you’ve probably correctly identified it as an addiction. Now you can treat it like one.
I think I’ve heard addiction described somewhere as a behavior you keep doing even when you stop getting the good feeling from it, so yes - I’d say it’s definitely an addiction/compulsion.
I think it may be easier to do if you mentally frame it as something you’re putting away until you’re in a place to be responsible with it. When you feel you may be ready for it again imagine what responsible use would look like, maybe only when you want sex but its infeasable (partner or you are tired, date went poorly, etc).
You may want to do similarly with weed.
Giving up something you like permanently sucks, its why so often people keep drinking until they absolutely have to quit, when if a few years earlier they’d taken a few months off and set some rules for themselves before starting again they may be able to keep doing it.
Also as you’re learning to deal with boredom and emotions look up some dbt or cbt resources they help control your emotions by being aware of them and by learning distress tolerance