Yes, this is a real Am I The Asshole, not one where the answer is super obvious and the user is just looking to have their ego stroked.
My SO has BDD and genuinely thinks they look ugly naked. I think they’re 1000% incorrect and that they’re the sexiest human alive, and I would die happy if I could see them naked all the time.
I was diagnosed with a condition called Cone Rod Dystrophy which basically means I’ll lose color vision, then all vision. The timeline is anywhere from next week to 50 years from now.
I want to see them naked every chance I can get so I can cement it in my head before I go blind, but I feel gross for posing that as a reason to let me see them naked.
Like, in the 10 years we’ve been together I’ve never even asked them for a hand job if they didn’t feel up to sex because I didn’t want to seem like a callous asshole, so this would be a big ask from me.
To add in complications, they’re also on the spectrum. Not a criticism since I’m most likely on it too.
I also identify as demi, and In day to day life when stuff needs to get done sex just never occurs to me. I think when your partner says ask, they genuinely mean it. It’s possible for a demi or ace to just forget sex exists entirely for a while.
I also have been in the position where when my partner asked I felt pressured. Maybe talk about making space for intimacy, and designate a time where you focus your attentions solely on each other. Time where you can sit together and cuddle and talk, not putting any pressure or expectations on having sex but instead enjoying each other’s company. Physical touch should be a part of it, but also be genuinely ok with that whether it escalates or not.
Recreate that “date night” feeling, just at home in any hour or half-hour window of time you might have, as long as you can put life aside for a little.