So I’ve realized that in conversations I’ll use traditional terms for men as general terms for all genders, both singularly and for groups. I always mean it well, but I’ve been thinking that it’s not as inclusive to women/trans people.
For example I would say:
“What’s up guys?” “How’s it going man?” "Good job, my dude!” etc.
Replacing these terms with person, people, etc sounds awkward. Y’all works but sounds very southern US (nowhere near where I am located) so it sounds out of place.
So what are some better options?
Edit: thanks for all the answers peoples, I appreciate the honest ones and some of the funny ones.
The simplest approach is to just drop the usage of guys, man, etc. Folks for groups and mate for singular appeal to me when I do want to add one in between friends.
“Foolish mortals” is my go-to gender neutral form of address
Dude.
I’m a dude. He’s a dude, She’s a dude. We’re all dudes.
Trans women sometimes feel uncomfortable when they are called dude, so if you’re aiming for maximum comfort of people, dude is not a great choice.
Well, to make a more serious comment instead of just quoting an old song from an old movie, it’s definitely most important to call people by pronouns that they prefer. That’s the number 1 priority.
That said, I have some trans friends who don’t like gender neutral pronouns in general. One in particular has explained how much she has gone through to be able to identify as a woman, and using “they” instead of “she” makes her feel like she still isn’t a woman.
So the real answer is there’s no one word that will make everyone happy. They best way to do that is to ask people the pronouns they prefer.
I never though about that aspect of it, thanks for sharing that friend’s perspective.
the best take. as with everything, there is no one size fits all solution
Yep, especially your mom, she’s probably the best dude
Hey !
Guys is always fine as it refers to followers of Guy Faulks and pretty much anyone has probably considered blowing up parliament at some point.
Is buddy really a problem?
I’d be more worried that someone thinks I’m treating them like a dog, than a man.
Choom(s).
y’all
Y’all doesn’t get enough love. It is gender neutral and extremely versatile.
I agree. It’s the plural of “you” that should be the official standard, since it disambiguates “you.” It can even be broadened to include larger groups via “all y’all,” as in, not just y’all in talking to, but all y’all in the house.
It can replace “guys”, but not “man,” though.
The plural of you is yous or ye. In Ireland at least.
I can’t do it, I don’t want to sound like I’m from the South.
Take it from them!
If everyone starts using it, it won’t sound southern any more. C’mon, you know you want to.
It sounds cringeworthy if you’re not American though. The standard way of saying it is “you lot” and other dialects, like mine, have “yous”.
Here where I’m from in the US, you occasionally hear a “y’alls” and now I’m going to start using it as a cultural gap between your dialect and mine.
It’s become the go-to in my company
Do you work with me? I’m in the US south and my EU colleagues love “y’all” and have started using it (ironically or not :) pretty often.
Warms my heart.
A LOT of my company is remote, but we are headquartered in Providence Rhode Island.
I have no hint of a Southern accent, but when I moved here “y’all” became almost an instant part of my vocabulary.
Vosotros agrees.
Ustedes if you’re less formal or you live outside Spain 😁
if you’re less formal
What a fun way to phrase that. You’re not wrong but it’s making me giggle.
Or in German: euch
I’m under the impression that you pronounce it the same way this cat looks.
You know… that’s about right.
😂😂😂😂😂
I still wonder why English (a Germanic language) doesn’t have its own pronoun for the plural 2nd person like German (euch) or Dutch (jullie), I think it kinda helps with distinction between talking to one person and talking to multiple people.
The problem is… what pronoun should we choose? I think “yinz” would sound kinda cool, but nobody outside of a very specific spot in the US actually uses it (other than myself I guess).
yinz
For those not in the US south and afraid of being judged, “all” on its own is an option.
“Hi all” is unlikely to raise any eyebrows
And, for larger groups, all y’all.
you’uns
Or if you’re near Pittsburgh, “yinz” is the proper spelling/pronunciation.
Youse if you’re a Geordie.
further down under you may hear “hey, yous lot…”
I use y’all a lot and im near Chicago
I’ve started using it and I’m Canadian.
I’ve started using it and I’m north of Canada … In Detroit
Did you know that you can be north of Canada … in California?
https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-75f887668c7f322a0dd1a226e128cea3
TIL
At a more northern latitude than part of Canada. Detroit is directly north of part of Canada
What in the world. They need to fix that on the next patch.
Scott the Woz on Lemmy? :o
“Hey y’all, Scott here.”
yall sounds super trashy.
I’m AFAB enby, saying “you guys” and calling me “dude” is fine. Those to me aren’t gendered anymore. The people who get offended at general terms like these for groups of people need to touch grass.
But if you’re dead set on it, embrace y’all lol. Just don’t say it with a southern drawl and you’ll be fine. It’s a fantastic gender neutral term. You can also just train yourself not to add in the “you guys” to the “what’s up” phrase, and maybe just say “what’s up with you?” “What’s up with you all?” Etc.
You can also just train yourself not to add in the “you guys” to the “what’s up” phrase, and maybe just say “what’s up with you?” “What’s up with you all?” Etc.
This is likely the best solution, but also a hard one. Thanks for the perspective though.
No southern drawl? Y’all is like our one positive contribution don’t take it away from those of us who ain’t bigots
Yeah I agree, bro, but I wouldn’t use guys or dudes on old ladies
Well no lol you gotta read the room sometimes 😅
“Offended” is a bit of a strong word.
Many trans folks are, understandably, bummed out when gendered terms that refer to their AGAB are used to refer to them.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with trying to avoid causing that brief moment of dysphoria. That just feels like a thoughtful and kind thing to do.
It’s good that OP means well, but also there are so many of us who do not care and are not affected because we know the speaker is using a generalized term and isn’t (usually) being malicious with it. I call several of my cisgender girl friends “dude” and “bro” and I’ll call men “girl” as a joke sometimes (like, girl what are you doing?). Many of these terms simply have completely lost their original gendered meaning in a lot of contexts.
I’m also on Team “these words have lost their meaning” but personally feel the opposite way from OP.
When people go out of their way to force inclusive language in a way that feels unnatural, and especially when I’m the only trans person in the room, it feels like I’m being singled out for my identity. I’m sure it’s being done with good intent but it makes me uncomfortable. It’s extra uncomfortable if they’re making (often incorrect) assumptions about my body in the process. I don’t need special language, the language already exists, I just want people to use it.
That said, I won’t fault someone for trying to be inclusive and always respect other people’s language preferences. But too much can be just as uncomfortable as too little.
(For context I’m 10 years MTF)
Good point dude
That’s great, and it’s nice that you don’t have to deal with that jolt of dysphoria in those situations.
I’m simply saying that it’s also common (and okay) to not be entirely comfortable with those terms. Especially from strangers or acquaintances.
I don’t think seeking to reduce the linguistic pattern of male as the default is a misguided effort.
“What’s up everypony?”
“What is up, my mammals?”
All, team, friends, everyone, folks (preferably prefixed with “howdy”)…
Cheese bags.
“YOU PEOPLE” 😂 I’m kidding
Fellas
You people
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