Posting this because I can’t really talk to my family or whatever. I have one main friend but I don’t think she cares on a deeper level so it always just feels like I’m alone. Who do you guys turn to for help? It’s always been a struggle for me, it’s like no one is really there. It feels like I’m living the same day over and over again and I’m not contempt with my own thoughts and it’s hard for me to get over it. I’m not sure if I’m just depressed and I’m so good at hiding it or I’m just so numb to everything. I forget so much of my past and it’s so hard for me to sit with myself and figure out what the fuck is wrong with me. I just lost something so good in my life because I made a big mistake and that’s also something I won’t get over. I can’t win things back and it’s sad to accept reality of things. Sorry for this depressing as post but I don’t have anyone to really talk to
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Before the rise of shitty corporate social media, we had Livejournal which was a private blogging platform, you could have your posts set friends only or public, and let me tell you writing shit out and having people comment on it, whether they validated you or pointed out a flaw in how you thought, was so much more useful than therapy.
Is it still an app?
Used to have one but not in Android store anymore.
Ha! Haven’t thought about that in awhile… you’re absolutely right! My Livejournal is now old enough to get drinks. Yikes.
!dadforaminute@lemmy.world make great substitute parents for advice and hugs. They’re always there without judgement
I go to bed. By day three I’m a little better, as long as nothing else happens in those three days. I have good meds for sleeping though, it’s like a mini suicide
I come here.
You may notice I’m here a lot.
Same, I like this group of people on Lemmy, I’ve had interactions on here that have made me feel good about myself and quite often the reason I’m smiling.
I don’t know y’all, but I’m glad y’all are here.
You too, dumbass. You too ❤️
You are 200% ok in my books!
I feel so complete
Journal. Then a sappy romance anime until I feel better. If it’s a consistent issue and not just a bad week there is no substitute for therapy.
nowhere really I just get extremely depressed
that’s also something I won’t get over.
Not when you keep repeating that to yourself. Shit sucks, shit will suck for a while, but shit won’t suck forever. It is okay to grief and be sad about good things. But life has to go on. Do things, meet people, force yourself to do it.
It will get better, period. Right now, it feels like it won’t. But you are already reaching out here, that is working on getting better. Keep doing it, and in the meantime, head up, chest out, carry on.
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I’m sorry for what you’ve been through. You know, I never blame my parents for anything that they caused me to be or experience. I know it’s their first time living life, they won’t be perfect and we all live once. We all make mistakes and I forgive my father for everything he’s done to me. I grew up to disappoint him I guess so we would get into plenty of arguments (physical, verbal, etc) and it never was good. We wouldn’t talk for months and close to a year at one point and that is what really destroyed me inside. Feeling abandoned in a way. Feeling abandoned but living in the same house? Maybe I’m crazy but that’s how it felt. We are good now, we did have a fight not long ago where some rude things were said but I brushed it off and we talked not long after. But I think what haunts me is that I don’t think I can talk to him normally / look at him in the eyes for a long time without feeling fear. It saddens me. I did sign up for psychotherapy and I believe my first meeting (I think a call) is in may. I’m worried I won’t know where to begin or what to say. I tend to forget so much about my past.
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Yea I’m assuming that’s what it is to be honest. I forget so much but I know I went through much u know. It sucks so much. I’m not sure about neuro divergence but I’m going to look more into it. I’m scared I won’t be able to get over it. I don’t want to live in fear from the ones who are suppose to love me and vice versa. I can’t even maintain eye contact properly with people anymore and I feel like I’m always sorry or saying sorry to people and it’s so draining to me. I just want a break. Like I wanna be gone but not in that way. Just like gone from everything
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I usually blast my grievances to the greater fediverse. Some passerby may read my woes and wipe a tear.
Here to add that this is my problem too, and I have a therapist… that I talk to by phone once every 2-3 weeks (Here in the states psychotherapy openings are impacted so anyone who doesn’t have super-good insurance is on the wayside) and she’s more of a CBT coach.
I’m trying to figure out why anyone is alarmed that I want to head to the check-out lane, given our society elected the party that regards us all as expendable, and very much wants there to be fewer Americans and more elbow room for the MAGAs.
As I’m likely to be elevated on the list of priority persons to get the CECOT treatment, I still need to arrange for a rapid exit strategy for when ICE stormtroopers blast down my apartment door. Kennedy Jr. has some serious beef with us ASD folk, and as someone who is on a fixed income (though I’ve had jobs and even have written poetry) am exactly the sort that he wants to purge.
For the moment, I am currently living for a cat and a dog. I regard them as persons and can’t trust anyone else to. And so am very reluctant to re-home them until I cannot support them any longer. I might be living so as to not traumatize my wife (we’re separated) but lately I seem to be more of an obligation and a burden. It didn’t help she went to a family Easter event to which I was uninvited. I spent the day alone.
What I don’t understand is why elected officials claim that people like me are a burden to the state are distressed by the notion that we might want to self-dispose (This is, or rather was, my only country, my only society) Indeed, the US suicide rate has soared since the Trump era began in 2016. We’re higher than Japan now, and gaining on Russia.
I don’t think it’s that anyone actually cares about me, I’m an abomination, like The Outsider in HP Lovecraft’s story of the same name. They just don’t want to process the cadaver and meager legacy I would leave.
Anyway, I go off and on suicide watch, but in these times, we’re all expendable, and sooner or later going to be removed from the new MAGA society to be stuffed into a megaprison gulag. I’ve been told by 77 million American voters they don’t want me around. I don’t understand the drama if I immolate myself in front of a state building. Is this not what they want?
PS: Wife and family are considering giving me ECT, the same stuff that Hemmingway and David Foster Wallace tried before they decided it didn’t work.
I’m trying to figure out why anyone is alarmed that I want to head to the check-out lane
You already provided a whole list of people that should check out before you do. Why would anyone want you gone when the horrible fuckers aren’t going anywhere?
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It’s going to sound dismissive, but I don’t go to others. I’ve found in my times of feeling the most alone, the only thing that allowed me to feel different was introspection.
I do absolutely understand the primal desire to be around others for support, but self-sufficiency and finding satisfaction without the help of others was my only way forward.
It wasn’t so much that I needed to change or that I was doing something wrong, but I forced myself to focus on those feelings and try to understand where they were coming from and learned that other things in my life gave me that satisfaction. For me, I make art when I’m feeling the most alone because it allows me to express that feeling.
Another thing that may come across as harsh is that you’re the only one in charge of your own happiness. If you feel like none of your friends are supporting you, it’s up to you to go out and find new people to fill their space.
Friends that are only there for you when you’re feeling good are not friends.
Thanks for this. I do enjoy being alone I do but it’s so hard to distract myself sometimes when I’m alone the motivation isn’t there and I want to bed rot. I spiral in my own thoughts and it’s so hard to channel it out. I have lowkey been feeling like this for so fucking long, it was starting to get better but now it’s just downhill. I’m trying to work through it but I can’t even talk to my own family because they don’t believe in anything mental health wise. I’ve been told to shut up during panic attacks and I never been comforted the way I wanted to. I don’t know how to find new friends, it’s hard. I am 21 and I feel like at this age like everyone has their “set” and not much people go out to make new friends, I could be wrong
On your last point, I moved 5 years ago when I was 28 with no friends or family to speak of outside of online. It’s never too late. My best luck making friends have been in context. In other words, I never went to a place to specifically make friends. I met them all when I was doing other things.
The biggest change for me was joining a kickboxing gym. I’m not an athlete by any stretch, but it allowed me to gain confidence, which I quickly learned is about the most attractive trait you can have.
The only way to get better at meeting new people is to try and fail. Hopefully through some trial and error, you can find an activity you enjoy that happens to involve others rather than trying to go places to meet people.
Nowhere? Sit with my own sadness. Go to the gym and work my frustration out on weights. Play games and forget? Unfortunately none of them healthy coping mechanisms, but talking to close ones leads to more issues because I’m very bad at putting my feelings into words without causing distress to others apparently. So inwards it goes.
Not as if the universe cares, so why should I?..
the second one (gym) is definitely healthy and the first one debatably is, depends on how you’re doing it.
it might be valuable to you to look into stoicism, that’s what the first one sounds like to me
the second one (gym) is definitely healthy
Maybe physically but how much mentally?
very much mentally.
there are many studies linking physical fitness/exercise and improved mental health.
that being said I cannot bring myself to do anything past walking a lot at work lol
I don’t go anywhere and it’s probably killing me slowly thru vices. I don’t see a better option tho.
that’s also something I won’t get over
This is a tell tale sign of depression; the feeling that there is no “better” ahead. I could tell you there is but it might be hard to believe.
In my situation, I have a person by my side always who I trust completely. So I have somebody to help keep my head and memory clear… and I still get depressed sometimes. Hang in there.
TV, Movies, distracting entertainment.
Writing poetry, worldbuilding and write stories in it.
My favorite Youtuber is Jacksepticeye. Vey wholesome, very funny, no weirdness like the other ones. Always have a progressive view on the world. Like you can feel it when he talks about stuff.
I re-watch his old videos to feel the nostalgia.
I don’t have anyone to talk to either, but when ever I hear or read about other’s struggles, on wikipedia, new stories, videos, forum posts, I feel as though I talking to a friend and sharing our struggles. It give you perspective, it make you feel less lonely, knowing that you are not alone, other share similar struggles.
