My Dad had frontotemporal dementia. My sibling and I had to deal with the consequences - until we couldn’t cope, when my Dad became properly violent.
We’re looking at Trump and let me tell you, it feels eerily familiar. The confusion, remembering stuff from the past but not the present, but most importantly - and that’s one of the defining traits of frontotemporal dementia - the constant aggressivity that stems from the sufferer’s incorrect world views and beliefs being at odds with a reality that everybody keeps reminding him of, that leads him to believe everybody is against him… When it gets bad enough, the person literally assaults people who contradict him out of frustration. Ask me how I know…
We see the signs in Trump. Clear as day. And I bet everybody who’s had to deal with a parent who had dementia sees the signs too.
The difference is, our Dad wasn’t a sitting US president with a penchant for fascism and autocracy. He was a random dude and he was institutionalized before he could harm other people.
My dad had dementia. I had just started my first job states away when he got really bad. Coming home every month to find a new part of him removed. Was only 62. Went downhill quickly.
I made my wife promise me she’d assist in suicide if I ever got like that. I never want my kid or her to experience that.
Sorry about your experience but I’ve been hearing about his mental/physical health decline since probably the day he was elected. The Trump era has been seemingly hours from over every day for the last ten years.
I’ll believe it’s over when he’s gone.
And, unfortunately, at this point I feel like MAGA is actually bigger than him.
If you feel comfortable answering: did your dad show aggressiveness before or was it a completely new trait and behaviour for him? Because if the second: new fear unlocked.
He never lifted a finger on us or our mother. He was a gentle man.
Then he started saying weird things, like we had made a fake copy of the family house with fake copies of the furniture and the things inside the house to gaslight him. When we tried to prove to him that it was our real house, he’d get annoyed. Frontotemporal dementia causes sufferers to stop recognizing things as their own, and familiar people as the real people they know. It’s very odd.
Then one day he found his car keys that we had hidden for his own safety (he got real mad about that one too), drove off and almost killed himself going down a one-way street. He later claimed the street hadn’t been one-way the night before. It had been one-way for a good 15 years.
And then the whole conspiracy theory he had latched onto went wild: he claimed we tried to make him mad with the fake house and the fake things so we could send him off to a mental institution and steal his money - and of course, when we did send him there, it was confirmation to him, and he refused to talk to us ever again after that when we visited him. He tried to hit us with a fire iron that day.
One day, he drank too much. My Mom tried to stop him drinking and he hit her, saying “You impostor won’t tell me what to do!”
Another time, he went to the bank to arrange something or other with his bank account, and ended up screaming his head off at the teller for trying to steal his money, and that the bank was in cahoots with the impostors trying to control his life at home. The bank had to call the cops and the fire department to get him under control.
Long story short, at some point, we had to institutionalize him. He was so violent at the medicalized retirement house that they had to hammer him with meds until he was reduced to a dribbling mess.
And one day, he was so heavily medicated that he fell down the stairs at the institution, broke his hip, and 4 weeks later, he died. In a way, it was a blessing in disguise, as this shortened his suffering and ours by a good 10 years.
Our experience with our Dad is a depressingly common one, sadly.
Thanks for the answer and taking the time to write it down!
Someone in your family if I may ask?
No, nothing like that, at least as far as i know.
I just find it in a certain way terrifying how much we can change without even realising that change happened at all.
My grandmother lived a life of being socially graceful, and in her dementia she mostly treated all the unknown and confusing new things and people (who were not really new) mostly with kindness and grace. I have thought on this occasionally and tried to seed into every recess of my mind the idea of approaching the confusing and unknown with curiosity and peaceful kindness, as well as trust whenever possible. My hope is that this would pay off in the event I, too, end up with dementia, or any other conddition for which this could be helpful to the people trying to help me.
I bet everybody who’s had to deal with a parent who had dementia sees the signs too.
Same feeling: the rambling, the way he seeks acknowledgement, but more than anything the unfiltered hate he manifests. To me, it’s absolutely clear that he has an initial form of dementia.
My Dad had frontotemporal dementia. My sibling and I had to deal with the consequences - until we couldn’t cope, when my Dad became properly violent.
We’re looking at Trump and let me tell you, it feels eerily familiar. The confusion, remembering stuff from the past but not the present, but most importantly - and that’s one of the defining traits of frontotemporal dementia - the constant aggressivity that stems from the sufferer’s incorrect world views and beliefs being at odds with a reality that everybody keeps reminding him of, that leads him to believe everybody is against him… When it gets bad enough, the person literally assaults people who contradict him out of frustration. Ask me how I know…
We see the signs in Trump. Clear as day. And I bet everybody who’s had to deal with a parent who had dementia sees the signs too.
The difference is, our Dad wasn’t a sitting US president with a penchant for fascism and autocracy. He was a random dude and he was institutionalized before he could harm other people.
My dad had dementia. I had just started my first job states away when he got really bad. Coming home every month to find a new part of him removed. Was only 62. Went downhill quickly.
I made my wife promise me she’d assist in suicide if I ever got like that. I never want my kid or her to experience that.
Actually not that uncommon with world leaders
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/3873339.stm
And he wasn’t in a good place before all that started. Very important. The shameless greed, complete lack of moral or ethics, dumb narcissism etc.
That’s tough man. Sorry you lost your dad that way. Death of the person before the physical bodies passes is hard to handle.
Hope you and your family are okay now.
Thanks. But it’s been 22 years.
Sorry about your experience but I’ve been hearing about his mental/physical health decline since probably the day he was elected. The Trump era has been seemingly hours from over every day for the last ten years.
I’ll believe it’s over when he’s gone.
And, unfortunately, at this point I feel like MAGA is actually bigger than him.
If you feel comfortable answering: did your dad show aggressiveness before or was it a completely new trait and behaviour for him? Because if the second: new fear unlocked.
He never lifted a finger on us or our mother. He was a gentle man.
Then he started saying weird things, like we had made a fake copy of the family house with fake copies of the furniture and the things inside the house to gaslight him. When we tried to prove to him that it was our real house, he’d get annoyed. Frontotemporal dementia causes sufferers to stop recognizing things as their own, and familiar people as the real people they know. It’s very odd.
Then one day he found his car keys that we had hidden for his own safety (he got real mad about that one too), drove off and almost killed himself going down a one-way street. He later claimed the street hadn’t been one-way the night before. It had been one-way for a good 15 years.
And then the whole conspiracy theory he had latched onto went wild: he claimed we tried to make him mad with the fake house and the fake things so we could send him off to a mental institution and steal his money - and of course, when we did send him there, it was confirmation to him, and he refused to talk to us ever again after that when we visited him. He tried to hit us with a fire iron that day.
One day, he drank too much. My Mom tried to stop him drinking and he hit her, saying “You impostor won’t tell me what to do!”
Another time, he went to the bank to arrange something or other with his bank account, and ended up screaming his head off at the teller for trying to steal his money, and that the bank was in cahoots with the impostors trying to control his life at home. The bank had to call the cops and the fire department to get him under control.
Long story short, at some point, we had to institutionalize him. He was so violent at the medicalized retirement house that they had to hammer him with meds until he was reduced to a dribbling mess.
And one day, he was so heavily medicated that he fell down the stairs at the institution, broke his hip, and 4 weeks later, he died. In a way, it was a blessing in disguise, as this shortened his suffering and ours by a good 10 years.
Our experience with our Dad is a depressingly common one, sadly.
Someone in your family if I may ask?
Thanks for the answer and taking the time to write it down!
No, nothing like that, at least as far as i know. I just find it in a certain way terrifying how much we can change without even realising that change happened at all.
That too is my biggest fear: if I lost my grip on reality, I wouldn’t even know it and I’d end up making my loved ones miserable without realizing it.
My grandmother lived a life of being socially graceful, and in her dementia she mostly treated all the unknown and confusing new things and people (who were not really new) mostly with kindness and grace. I have thought on this occasionally and tried to seed into every recess of my mind the idea of approaching the confusing and unknown with curiosity and peaceful kindness, as well as trust whenever possible. My hope is that this would pay off in the event I, too, end up with dementia, or any other conddition for which this could be helpful to the people trying to help me.
Same feeling: the rambling, the way he seeks acknowledgement, but more than anything the unfiltered hate he manifests. To me, it’s absolutely clear that he has an initial form of dementia.
I don’t think Trump’s weird Alaska comments are because he remembered Alaska being Russia?
Probably heard about it as a kid from his similarly demented dad.