• Uriel238 [all pronouns]@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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    11 hours ago

    So about two years ago, my libido switched to working not at all. Its previous stage was working-half-assed for most of my adult life. Psych-meds were (and probably still are) a factor.

    I kinda hoped it’s going to be wheeee! I’m ace! GARLIC BREAD!

    Alas, no.

    But I now have two noteworthy phenomena:

    The first is I’ll look at something erotic. Usually porn. There’s lots of porn available, and my brain goes this is important. It means something to me and tries to decipher it like a 70s era acid rock album cover or a Salvador Dali painting. It’s not titillating… not quite. It’s like someone gave me a post-hypnotic suggestion years ago and I accidentally came across the triggering image, but that subconscious code is faint and sepia now and gives me strange impulses.

    The other phenomenon is when my brain goes HORNY and I’ll look at porn and it skips right over it. HORNY! It’s like the zombies deciding Homer Simpson doesn’t have enough brains to be interesting, there’s no sexy in these curves. Nor these. Nor these. Everything is all wrong! This is super frustrating, and sometimes I’m compelled to keep looking for the stimulus that has the right pins in the right order to turn the lock.

    I understand Leon now, Nothing is worse than having an itch you can never scratch!

    Sadly this was a factor in my separation with my wife. We still see each other once a week for dinner. It’s a zesty blend of complicated and tragic, the kind that happens while society collapses Titanic sinks.

      • Uriel238 [all pronouns]@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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        11 hours ago

        Viagra and Cialis worked when I was younger and probably would work still. But they’re not covered by Medicare-D and are very expensive to purchase.

        Not wholly off the table, though, if we get lucky and find a source.

      • pyre@lemmy.world
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        12 hours ago

        i actually wasn’t talking about men vs women; i was talking about having a dick vs not, specifically because of having to deal with a boner during the day… but apparently some trans people who start taking T can get overwhelmed with how much it horns them up so i don’t know; maybe it’s anecdotally true even.

        other than that I’ve always believed it’s (at least mostly) social conditioning though.

        edit: i got too excited to clarify that i forgot to check your link before i responded. i gotta say it’s not really challenging the idea (that I wasn’t trying to suggest originally).

        first of all it says

        On average, men have higher sex drives, but about a third of women have a higher sex drive than the average male.

        so it’s already suggesting that it’s not a myth.

        second of all the way it phrases things seems to target people who don’t understand what averages are: it gives as an example on average men are taller but there are women who are taller than men. well duh… that’s how averages vs exceptions work. that doesn’t mean “neither is taller, it’s totally random” it still means men are taller on average.

        of course if the rates it gives are true, the exception being a third of women is quite significant.

        • TriflingToad@sh.itjust.works
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          11 hours ago

          i was talking about having a dick vs not, specifically because of having to deal with a boner during the day…

          Actually this is really good place to share the knowledge I’m too embarrassed to share irl!!

          I’m trans (MTF) and it doesn’t really happen randomly the same way it did before hormones. The only time I get an erection is when I try to, and even then sometimes it’s difficult 🥲.

          You are essentially required* to masturbate 1 or 2 times a week or else the tissue will disintegrate due to not being used, ‘morning wood’ is what the body does naturally to stop this but on Estrogen it doesn’t happen. Some choose to apply testosterone gel to help in this, but it hasn’t been an issue for me.

          Also with decreased labido it’s really easy to forget about it and apparently hurts when you do it again which I’m kinda scared of tbh.

          *‘required’ is subjective, but it’s not really reversible and also a working penis is ideal for getting bottom surgery and most people want to have good chances for bottom surgery …also sex too lol

        • idiomaddict@lemmy.world
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          11 hours ago

          It’s very much like height, where it’s correlated, but not restricted to people with lots of testosterone (more relevant than having a dick). And it really sucks being Trijntje Keever.

            • idiomaddict@lemmy.world
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              10 hours ago

              Dicks are normally more visible when aroused, but vaginas sometimes make it look like you’ve pissed yourself. Appearance aside, wet underwear is pretty uncomfortable and can lead to skin irritations. As to why the place that gets wet is the same place that grows coarse hair and slightly moves whenever you walk? Curse of Eve, I guess.

              It might just be that the grass is greener, but I’d prefer to tuck an erection into my waistband than deal with soaked underwear. Absolutely no envy about balls though, they seem very uncomfortable all around.

              • pyre@lemmy.world
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                9 hours ago

                oh no contest about preference; i already said elsewhere that I’d rather have a never ending erection forever rather than have one period.

      • TriflingToad@sh.itjust.works
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        11 hours ago

        The researchers propose to measure affect in terms of how easily you get aroused when faced with a sexual stimulus or situation. Likewise, behavior involves the frequency of sexual acts. And finally, cognition has to do with how often you think about sex.

        that’s actually really interesting that there’s different categories of sex drives

      • TriflingToad@sh.itjust.works
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        22 hours ago

        it’s not exactly the same as a full understanding but my transmasc friends labido in the first year of T was much worse than my first year of E (so far atleast).

        The labido of a teenage boy is fucking INTENSE, all they do is think with their dick (well not in my friends case lol). However my emotion regulation is WAYYYY worse than his was, I am a blob of emotionally distraught tears.

        neither of us would get off HRT for the world though.

          • TriflingToad@sh.itjust.works
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            15 hours ago

            I did that on purpose
            (as an example of emotion regulation I wrote out a passive aggressive paragraph of why language changes over time and it’s not a crime to shorten 2 words, before realizing you were probably not being rude with it 😓🥲)

      • pyre@lemmy.world
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        22 hours ago

        yeah but now i have two people with reference points to both feminine and masculine hormonal makeup that agree with my assumption so I’m gonna believe them more…

        … not because they have unique perspectives but because they reaffirm my previously held beliefs

    • henfredemars@infosec.pub
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      1 day ago

      I have a sample size of one trans friend who started taking male hormones and felt it completely overwhelming. He was absolutely astounded by how intense it was for months on end until he felt he built up some mental fortitude.

      Clearly, it’s not an ideal comparison, and personal experiences are highly individual but I found their experience interesting.

      • shneancy@lemmy.world
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        24 hours ago

        as another trans guy i can confirm, T took my libido from “mid, horny sometimes” to “I GET HORNY EVERY DAY AND IF I DON’T FIX IT I LITERALLY CANNOT FOCUS”, in the span of like, no time, literally started with the first or injection

        • idiomaddict@lemmy.world
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          11 hours ago

          That’s one of the reasons I’m worried about transitioning. I’m already horny more frequently and intensely than any dude I’ve ever dated. Adding more testosterone to the mix sounds like a bad idea

          • shneancy@lemmy.world
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            6 hours ago

            perhaps you’re just manifesting the T horny already :D

            but for real, if you’re sure of being trans and want most of the effects T brings - i’d say do it. i’m not thrilled about my thinning hair, receding hairline, or the acne v2 (this time harder to get rid of), but the bursts of self-hate cause by dysphoria are completely gone, and that makes being so much easier

        • pyre@lemmy.world
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          20 hours ago

          welcome to the club my man. don’t get me wrong it can be annoying but I’d rather have a never ending boner for the rest of days than have one period. I’m cis so I’ve never experienced it myself but i have enough women friends (and a wife) to know i wouldn’t want it for a day.

          • shneancy@lemmy.world
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            18 hours ago

            lmao same, dysphoria was the strongest during periods i hated them with a burning passion. T just made them stop, which is amazing.

          • shneancy@lemmy.world
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            21 hours ago

            oh ya dw, i’ve been on T for 7 years now, i have it mostly under control. apart from the times when it just doesn’t seem to be going away, body parts already sore, brain still says horny, those days are– something

            • ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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              20 hours ago

              Oh I know those days all too well lol!

              Though ime there is no “control,” just “I will face my horny, I will permit it to pass over me and through me, and when it has gone past I will turn my inner eye to see it’s path, where the horny has gone there will be nothing, only I will remain.” So lucky you lmao!

      • stoicmaverick@lemmy.world
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        13 hours ago

        I would be fascinated to talk to this person. As a straight cis male dude guy, this is just all day, every day. It’d be like hearing someone describe the sun who’s never been outside before in their whole life.

      • pyre@lemmy.world
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        1 day ago

        thanks for sharing; it’s wildly interesting! he’s one of a small number of people who can speak for two different modes of physical/hormonal makeup.

  • lath@piefed.social
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    1 day ago

    True. A good, safe environment will kickstart your baby making hormones into overdrive.

    • EmptySlime@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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      1 day ago

      Eh, depends on the person. I’m ace and don’t really feel it mentally but my body will respond to things so I generally just find it to be an inconvenience. Though sometimes my partner and I get a good laugh about it because I’ll not realize it sometimes and she’ll notice before me.