“So just do it” is a glaring one for me.
Simply because it is disregarding someone else’s thought processes and how their mind works. Where simply ‘just do it’ is not as easily and readily accomplished. This kind of advice is always uttered when one person is going on about how they’re tired of something and want to do something else. So this gets mentioned.
It could be a lot of reasons as to why, even if it is down to the obvious reasons. My valid reason a lot of the time is that I just don’t have the energy or will to just magically get myself to do something.
Me - “Doctor, it hurts when I do X.” X is a perfectly normal activity like walking, raising arm over head, etc
Doctor - “Then maybe you shouldn’t do X?”
Did you get your doctor on Stackoverflow?
lol, the internet was unknown to most of the world at that time. He was just a doctor with a horrible bedside manner
“It is what it is”
I respectfully disagree. there are things out of your control you must accept. if you do not, it will only stress your mind and body out.
focus on the things that you can, like keeping your family intact and having a good support group. good luck!
“You just have to be persistent”
That can be true but no amount of persistence is going to make Timothee Chalamet be interested in me as Im closer to his dad’s age and he’s not gay.
It’s those times where I shorten my response to something like “thanks I’ll keep that in mind” or “I appreciate you trying to help” and then brush it off/not follow that advice, because it usually comes from people who at least sort of care but have no idea what to say or how to fix the situation.
If someone genuinely wants to invest in helping your situation they’ll ask and be open. For me most of the time my answer is “you being there is enough” and when I tell them I don’t expect them to have answers to my problems they relax too.
If it’s randos trying to be argumentative or dismissive then they can go sit naked on a cactus. /tangent
TL;DR: You’re right, but it’s an onslaught and you deserve peace of mind. You aren’t obligated to defend yourself to them.
for some reason, someone saying “just stay calm” would just make me brace up.
or if someone says “it’s easy, you can do it”, the sus gauge starts rising.
Don’t get mad! It doesn’t help anything.
“Choose to be happy” This is advice I’ve heard from people on Reddit who have overcome their depression and say it’s a choice. No, Happy, it is not.
“I was lucky and my brain chemistry corrected itself, so all you need to do is stop being unlucky and be lucky like me!”
While we’re at it, if you can’t reach the top shelf, just grow taller. That’s what I did.
Maybe a bit of a stretch, but I try my best to interpret things in the best possible way (sometimes to the point of naivety). In a way, I think of it as “choosing to be happy”, in the sense that if someone says or does something that could upset me, I try to look for a way to interpret their actions as something that doesn’t upset me.
Of course, this doesn’t always apply, but I’ve experienced that it makes life a lot better. A lot of unpleasant things can be attributed to mistakes or misunderstandings, which are a lot easier to not get upset about than people being intentionally mean.
The only actual advice I can think of that relates is refusing to be involved with people who make you unhappy (which I realize so much of requires choice and resources to island yourself off in this way).
Its still something to keep in mind, if you can insulate yourself from people you’ve noticr make you unhappy and overstimulated, that is a very different state of being even saying nothing about whatever “happiness” is.
If I had to choose between happiness or freedom from pain, I would choose the latter every time. Happiness can be stumbled upon or negotiated or gradually arriver at, pain needs to be alleviated or it cancels out everything else
I loved the thanksimcured subreddit because they just mock this kind of thing.
Depression is a recurring thing, it comes back at anytime and it will level you when it does. What people who ever claim to have “defeated” depression or “overcome it” are simply confusing depression with general sadness. General sadness can easily be overcome because it isn’t as much of a weight on you as depression is.
But then you say something like that and some asshole comes right up to you saying shit like “now you’re just gatekeeping what a mental illness is!”.
Fucking Reddit dumbasses are a piece of work.
“You got this!” What kind of magic spell do you think that fucking phrase is?? That is one of the stupidest, low self esteem phrases in the last 50 years.
IDK, I think “just do it” is actually pretty reasonable advice, for the most part.
Obviously, it depends — everything depends — but I feel like it applies to many aspects of life.
Sometimes you’re scared or anxious about something needlessly, and it really is best to just go for it and figure it out later, no matter how much your brain tells you it’s terrible and not worth it.
As someone who struggles with anxiety paralysis on certain tasks, “just do it” is extremely helpful.
THANK YOU!!! I replied to someone that replied to my comment trying to explain exactly that…
it’s good advice, until someone’s asking “how?” then saying “you just do it” becomes useless as tits on a tomcat. cause I DON"T FUCKIGN KNOW WHAT “IT” YOU"RE REFERRING TO! THAT"S WHY I ASKED
Hahaha~
It has a wide breadth of applications, but it is indeed relatively shallow when it comes to guidance… It’s best used when the advisee already has some idea of what to do and is struggling with something else.
All advice is good advice in a certain situation. “Trust your gut”/“be skeptical”, “be careful”/“go for it!” all of these can be good or terrible advice for different people at different times.
The problem with “just do it” is it’s often literally the first thing that everyone tries. If I want to do my homework or cook a healthy meal, it’d be pretty weird if I started off by trying to not do it. So, often when it’s given as advice it feels very insulting, because it feels like your being literally told “have you considered doing the thing your trying to do?”
It can be shorthand for much better advice - “don’t think about the consequences or costs, just focus on this moment and the first step you need to take” or whatever, but when delivered to someone who is literally struggling to do something it often adds nothing. “be careful” is good advice if someone’s carelessly approaching a dangerous, delicate task, but is shitty, vacuous advice if someone is already being very careful. So telling someone to “just do it” suggests you think that they weren’t previously attempting to do it, and that can give offense.
I mean, sure, but isn’t that literally everything? Hugging someone is nice unless they don’t want to hug. Telling someone “don’t think about the consequences or costs, just focus on this moment and the first step you need to take” is good advice unless they need to focus on the consequences or costs, or they aren’t taking the first step, or… or… or… ad eternum.
If your argument is that “just do it” is bad advice, then I flatly disagree. However, that doesn’t seem to be the case; rather, it seems you’re saying that “just do it” is advice that should be administered carefully and properly. While a fair assessment, that is also completely counter-productive as a point of discussion because I already said “just do it”'s efficacy is dependent on circumstance while describing a specific situation wherein it could be rightfully applied!!! DAMN IT!!
Well, one thing actually:
The problem with “just do it” is it’s often literally the first thing that everyone tries.
Is it? It very much isn’t for me, for example. I usually think about what I’m going to do before I do it — I think a lot… —, and it’s not uncommon that I get in my head about this and that, when I should just do it. For people like me, and I know I’m not alone in this, “just do it” is a great piece of advice that I should listen to way more than I usually do. No, it’s not perfect; Yes, it can fall flat. Still, it’s useful.
it’d be pretty weird if I started off by trying to not do it.
Yes, but would it be that weird to be stuck in a loop of self-doubt while wanting to do it, which keeps you from actually doing it?
In the spirit of “just do it,” and at risk to my goal of being a positive presence online, I’d like to point out that you used “your” several times when you should’ve used “you’re.” Now, I know you probably don’t care and are thinking that it’s a little rude that I’m pointing it out, but just in case you do care, I’d forward you here: https://www.merriam-webster.com/grammar/your-vs-youre-how-to-use-them-correctly
I mean no offense. I’m not perfect and I like when people point out the small things I could improve so… There.
Yeah this thread just feels like an axe grinding session where people are taking a situation where someone gave them advice that maybe wasn’t applicable or good in that context and now they think it’s just useless at all times. That’s fine I get it vent away, but yeah lol
“Don’t worry, everything happens for a reason.”
That “reason” could be shitty decisions, power beyond your control, or sheer bad luck. But we all know it’s just thinly-veiled religious indoctrination.
It also tries to remove accountability from people who really do not care to pay attention to what they’re doing. They’ll be in shit and they’ll think “ahh this is what God might have had planned for me” and instead of trying to fight to survive, they just succumb to it with that belief.
Religion is just bad to believe in.
The one that’s even worse is “God never gives you more than you can handle.” Tell that to a bajillion dead people.
“Be yourself.” Motherfucker, who else would I be?!
I hate that advice. It would literally ruin my livelihood as an identity thief.
bonus points when “being yourself” is what got you into a mess to begin with. I was myself in school and bullied endlessly into suicide
What “Be yourself” means is: “Don’t pretend to be someone else because you think that will make you more appealing. It will likely show through that you’re not that other person and your attempts at deception will drive away the people you want to attract. Further, if you find that being your authentic self is something you are ashamed or embarrassed being, perform some introspection on what those things are about yourself you don’t like and take action to change on things you can. Examine rationally whether the thing you think is shameful is something you even have control over. For example, are you ashamed because you’re not tall? You have no control over that one. That is nothing to be ashamed of. Are you ashamed because you don’t have good hygiene? That one you DO have control over. If you don’t know how to correct that, ask for help and get to the place where you won’t be ashamed of your hygiene. You will ‘be yourself’ that is not as tall as you like, but with good hygiene.”
That’s a lot to say so it gets boiled down to “Be yourself”.
Came here to say that.
“Just be yourself” without clarification.
There’s something to it, but too often it is interpreted as “no need for introspection or improvement”
Just get over it!
Move on!Because both pieces of advice are intended to play out on the advisor’s terms!
So if you were to follow their advice with, “Cool. Get the fuck out of my life!”, they’ll be, “No! NoT tHaT wAy!!!”Idk man some people let themselves backslide into unhealthy fixations and need to be told it’s time to move on. There are healthy, empathetic ways to communicate that. I can’t say I’ve ever had anybody in my life who is actually trying to help me say“just get over it.“ That’s the kind of thing somebody says when they’re in an argument. That’s not really advice in any real sense.
Break ups immediately come to mind. I’ve certainly on more than one occasion had to pull a friend aside and tell them it’s time to move on (again in a better, more empathetic way).
In the replies there willl be a lot of examples of advice that actually does work forna lot of people, but not everyone. They are valid examples of bad advice at the personal level because it doesn’t work for them, but the advice itself is not bad advice in general. A lot of people do hold themselves back by not trying or do wallow in self pity (not clinically depressed) and most people can overcome those thing by just doing something, but not everyone can.
Like I have ADHD and I have tried enough memory tricks and failed at them to know adding more things to remember is counter prodictive for me, and that scheduling tasks only works up to a certain number of tasks in a time frame before being overwhelmed.
But there is one piece of advice that is actually the opposite of what the saying literally means and where the phrase came from. “Pulling yourself up by the bootstraps” was an example of doing something that is literally impossible. It was used as an example of how impossible the thing that was being asked of people was. Now it is twisted to mean that success is possible if you try hard enough, which is the opposite of what it means. It is literally the worst advice because it is saying "do the literal impossible thing’. .
Thank you.
Like “choose to be happy” isn’t a magical mantra but something you need to work on in order to change the way you reflexively think.
“Be yourself” is essential advice for people trying to have a mask on 24/7.
And I’ve mostly given up replying to such threads because they’re usually an excuse to wallow and complain that they’ve tried everything.
I don’t have a magic potion that makes things better overnight, but I do have techniques that I have found valuable in improving my own mental health, but by bit, over several years.
Like “choose to be happy” isn’t a magical mantra but something you need to work on in order to change the way you reflexively think.
It still doesn’t work as advice for everyone, because some people have chemical imbalances that keep it from working no matter how long they try. For them, it won’t actually change how they think or feel, it is just practice for pretending it worked.
It can work for most people whole still being bad advice for some people. Heck, I have given up on trying to remember people’s names when I first meet them because decades of trying didn’t work since ADHD is a disorder. I’m acknowledging my limitations.
